Writing Assignment?

So in my ED323 class, we're learning about writing and the value of writing -- and how to instill a love for it in our future students. With that being said, I'm required to write for 20 minutes.

Talk about EASY CHEESY!

I love writing.

Okay now -- updating time. Honestly, a lot has happened lately. Like... a lot! But unfortunately the kind of things that have happened lately are simply not "blogging appropriate." So, if you want a secret update, then feel free to message me.

Today was a long day. For some odd reason, I woke up just emotionally upset. I felt like a weight had been placed on my chest, and I had no idea why. Okay lies -- I had a few possible ideas why, but I couldn't pinpoint one single thing. Honestly... everything that stresses me out just hit me all at once, so it was an emotionally difficult day.

So... I decided I needed a good chat and a Priesthood blessing.

I called up my good friend Ryan Hintze, and he took me to get cazookie (AKA -- in Arizona terms, a pizookie). We chatted for an hour or so, and it was so good just to TALK to someone! We just chatted about life in general and the struggles people our age are struggling with all around us!

When it all comes down to it -- it really stems from individual worth and self-image issues.

GIRLS! Stop looking in the mirror and pointing out all of your imperfections and blemishes and extra pounds and dry skin and whatever ELSE it is you're looking at that's so "NASTY" or "FAT" or "GROSS" because it's not! God doesn't think you're too fat, too flat, or too whatever so STOP thinking you are!

There are so many girls who struggle with eating disorders that we don't even realize! STOP IT! I mean -- granted, it's okay to go running and trying to be more healthy. I get it. But stop starving yourself and start loving yourself.

In fact -- did you know that the most attractive and sexiest thing about a woman is her confidence?

GET THIS -- Today Ryan said, "Have you seen Pitch Perfect?"

Lesbihonest.

"Yeah? Why?"

"Fat Amy is hot! Because she's CONFIDENT and she knows she's awesome!"

Best quote of the day.

Girls, YOU are awesome.

ALSO --

When Tyler and I broke up, he told me what had attracted him to me the most. And you know what it was?

No, not my huge hips. (Although volumptuous -- no.)

It was my smile.

And I don't think it's just my smile that attracts a guy -- it's ANY girl's smile and any girl's confidence! 

The sexiest thing about a woman is her smile because her smile just speaks... CONFIDENCE! 

So, smile. 

A real smile.

Treacherous.

So I obviously just finished watching the Bachelor finale. In all honesty -- even though it really is just a TV show... it hurts seeing rejection. It hurts seeing heartbreak. Yeah, that sounds so cliche and silly, right? But no. It's real.

Really though -- I hate seeing others have to go through that. Sometimes it brings back the pain that is just all too familiar. And then it just makes me even more scared to be vulnerable to heartbreak again in any shape or form.

Speaking of vulnerability...

I've done a lot of self-assessing and analyzing this week. With all this dating stuff going on lately, I sit and think.

Even when I have a GREAT guy in front of me... Am I scared of dating anyone seriously because I'm not ready? Or is it just because I haven't found the "right one" yet because no one seems good enough? 

Yeah, probably both. But then I thought about it some more...

I've met some really, really great guys up here. And even when the interest is somewhat mutual, I still hold back. I hold back from saying "HEY! I like you. Let's do this for real" because 1. What if I'm rejected? 2. Because I'm scared of my family being skeptical of me & my choices of who I date and when I choose to date them -- seriously. 3. Because I'm scared of the skeletons hiding in their closets. It's an issue. And lastly, 4. I'm scared. Just because I know what it's like to be so hurt and heartbroken for whatever reason. And when you put yourself out there like that... you essentially leave your heart on the table... wide and open only to be crushed.

GAH. Watching the Bachelor just brought back allllll of those feelings.

Well -- BEFORE watching the Bachelor, I talked to my mom on the phone last week. I just started crying. I just felt so discouraged. I seriously felt (well, and sometimes still feel) like there was absolutely NO hope. I couldn't help but think I'm never going to find a guy worth marrying.

Quite frankly - I can't tell you how many times I've gone to bed crying with these thoughts in my head.

And then yesterday happened.

Maybe it's me that needs to change. Maybe it's me that needs a new perspective. It's not the "guy" that's the problem -- maybe it's ME?! I just never, ever give them a chance! I was sitting in church thinking, "Maybe I just need to let go of the frustration and have some hope for once... some faith." And I felt that's a good point -- it's true. I DO need to let go of the pain and the hurt... and the discouragement. And have faith that the man I choose to give my heart to one day will be worth it won't break me.

But then before I know it, the thoughts of discouragement all come back. Why should I settle for someone I'm not crazy about? But... am I not "crazy" about them because I'm not giving them a chance? Because my thoughts of discouragement and fear are clouding my vision of the potential in their eyes?

This slope is treacherous.

Big sigh.

Your passion is contagious.

So I really, really should go to bed right now but I have so much to say and my mind is just RACING!

Tonight I had a little study session with a girl in my ward who is also an elementary education major. We were studying phonics, syllabication, etc. for our literacy quiz tomorrow... Well, after we finished studying, we started talking about what it really means to be a teacher and how underestimated our future profession really is. Now, I know I already posted about this topic recently -- but there are a few more comments that I'd like to make.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when my sister, yeah -- Danica, comments on my major of study. She'll say things like, "Yadda, yadda...You're an elementary ED major!" as if it's not a big deal or as if it's EASY.

Well, folks. Easy it may seem.

But while you're a dentist cleaning teeth all day, just remember who's being underpaid to teach your child how to read, write, spell, and do arithmetic AND MORE -- not to mention teaching your child how to be self-disciplined and develop a good sense of character on the side while doing the same favor for 29+ other students of different academic/cultural/SES backgrounds in the same classroom.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Their teachers.

Will you dare to underestimate my chosen major of study one more time?

I didn't think so.

NOW -- school for me now may be an easier task at hand than your mechanical engineering or pre-med chemistry classes.

But if you ever... EVER think about underestimating the profession of a teacher -- please, think again.

Now please, don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. In fact, I am shouting to the rooftops how excited I am! After talking to my friend about how much teachers shape and influence lives of students -- I can't WAIT to be a teacher.

Students are going to come into my classroom after a long, dreadful weekend at home or even after seeing their dad thrown into jail for selling drugs. And they're going to need my love and my hand in their life because they don't get the love and support they need at home. To further my point, you may have had Mom and Dad read to you every night -- but a lot of children don't! And in my future classroom, there will be students who will not be as fortunate to have that academic support at home... But it is up to me as their teacher to be there for those students!

My point here is -- it's not going to be an easy task. However, I am thrilled to be a teacher someday.

So don't hate.

SECONDLY: 

Every time I hear/read this quote, I take a deep breath of relief... and smile.

Thank you, Pinterest!

For reading my last blog post and creating a pin for it!

Falling in love with strangers.

I have this problem. If it's not "love at first sight," I'm not into it. Yeah, it's terrible. Since him, I have terrible expectations. I am just not into it. I'm done. I hate this.

Okay let me explain.

But before I start explaining -- I KNOW that "when it's right it will fall into place..."

So, with that being said, I have a venting session for you. If you love these posts, get ready for a good one. If you don't? Then go back to "liking" pointless and cheesy posts about lovers on your newsfeed.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. Maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.

Okay that was just a T.Swift lyric for --

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casual and cruel in the name of bein' honest.

SORRY! I love this song.

But here we go.

(Oh gosh. "Never Grow Up" just came on. SOML.)

Okay you know what? Instead of explaining how I feel -- I'm just gonna let her do it.

He is sensible and so incredible 
And all my single friends are jealous 
He says everything I need to hear and it's like 
I couldn't ask for anything better 
He opens up my door and I get into his car 
And he says you look beautiful tonight 
And I feel perfectly fine...

And if you know her like I do, you know what she says next.

It's not that I'm still mourning over HIM. It's just the way it felt -- it's just not the same with any other guy I've met up here. And it's not like I haven't given any guys up here a chance. I really have dated a TON. I was just asked last night -- "How many dates would you say that you've gone on since you got to Provo?" Funny you ask -- I just made a list two days ago.

At least 10.

Usually one date a week and one on the weekend. Don't look at me like I'm bragging -- I'm not. I'm just saying that I've given guys chances, and I still have yet to find one where it just... clicks.

Like he did.

Loving him was red.

GAH.