You know you're an elementary ed major when...

Before I begin this post, I must say that I love my major. Teachers are extremely underrated in today's society, and there is a lot more to teaching than people think. It's an easy major, but a hard profession. So, before I continue -- you might want to read this post that was forwarded to me a couple weeks ago before you proceed.

12 Things You Should Never, Ever Say to Teachers

Disclaimer: A lot of these will only make sense if you attend BYU and you're in the ECE/Elementary Education program (aka, the McKay School of Education). If you're bored or don't understand the humor of this post, my apologies.

With that being said...

You know you're an elementary ed major [in the BYU McKay School of Education] when...

• You make a name tag for every single class on the first day of school. And this isn't any ordinary name tag -- it's embellished with Sharpie doodles, glitter, bows, stickers, watercolors and die cuts. 
• You go to the McKay Tec Lab on Tuesday mornings between the hours of 11:00-12:00pm to finish a procrastinated lesson plan only to find that it's closed for devotional. Talk about stressful.
• You eat treats in 4 of your 5 classes on Halloween. (Only because your religion professor claims that treats disrupt the Spirit.) 
• You will find any excuse in the book to leave TELL early. (You sometimes even arrange your work schedule so that you can skip the last 30 minutes of class. There's no way you're staying all three hours.)
• Playing dress-up in in class to demonstrate the importance of "play" in the elementary ed classroom is the highlight of your week.
• You experience culture-shock when you walk into the HBLL or the Wilk. BOYS??! WHAT?!!?
• Your teachers read a picture book before every class.
• You feel really single when you see husbands waiting for their wives in the McKay Tec Lab after class.
• You live off of vending machine bagels and Gardetto's. Especially on Tuesdays and/or Thursdays.
• You wait in a 30 minute line for the bathroom between classes because for some wild reason there are only three stalls in each bathroom of the McKay building.

If you or your friends have anything to add, feel free to leave a comment below the beautiful piece of artwork that I made in class today. 

Awakened.

Ever since I can remember, the week of my birthday has always fallen during the same week as Martin Luther King Day. And, for the last 22 years, I've celebrated MLK Day either in my pajamas, shopping, catching up on homework, planning my upcoming birthday party, or even doing something as simple as spending time with my friends and/or family. So, like most people, in ignorance I've treated it like a day off (and not a holiday) without thinking twice about Martin Luther King. (Disclaimer: I'm not saying that I didn't have any respect for Martin Luther King in the past, but I've simply treated MLK Day as a vacation rather than a day of reflection.)

First and foremost: Unless you've been living under a rock for the past ten years, you all know that I have an African American sister whom I adore, treasure, cherish, love and would in all seriousness -- DIE for. She may be only ten years old, but she is not just my sister -- she's my best friend, my shoulder to cry on (believe me, it's happened), my companion, partner in crime, my everything. (And to think I wondered why she didn't like my ex-boyfriend...)

Ever since Amanda was born, I've adored not only her, but also her beauty -- those stunning eyes, flawless skin and incredible hair. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't remind her of how beautiful she is and how proud I am to call her MY sister. (Sure, I share her with my other two sisters but we all know I'm her favorite.) Well, as devastating as this is going to sound, there are indeed kids at school that tell Amanda that Gage isn't her brother because she doesn't look like him. There are kids that tell her she's not part of our family because she isn't WHITE. She may be Black, and I may be White -- but it sure has heck does NOT make a dang difference. It wouldn't matter if she was purple, green, yellow, orange, blue or pink -- she would still be my sister and I'd love her just the same.

So, needless to say, upon coming to BYU as a 21 year old white Mormon girl, I've known that there are African American people in the world. I went to school, I read the textbooks, I learned about the Civil Rights Movement, and I've seen Remember the Titans, The Help and even Hairspray. I thought I knew the history, I thought that I understood... until today.

Today my friend Alexis invited me to the Martin Luther King Commemoration on campus at BYU. I was really excited because I had never been this annual celebration before, and I wanted to be a part of it.

The celebration began at the Bell Tower where everyone met and gathered to light candles to march to the Wilkinson Center in honor of Dr. King. At first when we arrived, there weren't very many people there. However, as time went on and the sun began to set, more and more people showed up -- both Black and White, even Hispanic, Asian and Native American. (Honestly, it was probably the most diversity I had ever seen on this predominantly White campus. And I loved it.)

After "marching" to the Wilkinson Center in this sea full of people holding lit candlesticks in their hands (PS, coolest thing ever), everyone took a seat and waited for the ceremony to begin. As I sat there waiting, Alexis was talking with all of her friends that she knows from the Multicultural Club and Black Student Union. (And now this is where the brutal honesty and hard truth comes in...) Let me tell you -- never in my life had I ever before felt out of place because of my blonde hair, pale skin and light blue eyes. For the first time in my life, I could finally look at someone of a different race than me and say: I understand. Let me further explain my point...

The main speaker, Tamu Thomas-Smith, made some amazing points -- but the one that I will never, EVER forget was when she said... (something along the lines of) "Every day of my life I've felt uncomfortable. We all feel uncomfortable. We get used to it. In fact, when it's comfortable, we don't like it. If any of you here feel out of place, you now know how we feel." And at that moment I felt like she was talking directly to me. She then continued and told stories of the times she spent at BYU-Idaho (formerly Ricks) and how she felt like she stood out because she was Black. She then said, "All I wanted people to do was see me for me -- not remind me of what I look like." And then it hit me again -- HUGE slap in the face that really woke me up. (Again, let me explain before you go jumping to any conclusions.)

Every time I look at Alexis or Amanda and tell them how beautiful they are (I truly 100% mean it with every fiber of my being!) Even if I may mean it out of the sincerity of my heart -- I'm pointing out that they're different than me. I'm pointing out their looks. I finally realized tonight that even if a comment may not be offensive or racist, pointing out someone's differences (especially in a large group setting) can still make them feel especially different or out of place.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I've never laughed at a racist joke. But tonight something hit me, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. White people don't understand & they will never understand the challenges that a Black, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, or Native American person faces every day of their lives in America. There are hundreds -- even thousands of people who may claim that they're not racist... but they sure aren't sensitive or respectful, either.

The saddest part about today was that it took me 23 years to get to this point -- even having a Black sister didn't get me here. But you know what? That is OK. The thing that matters is that I'm finally here. I'm finally beginning to understand. Although this newfound understanding won't come all at once, I have finally started on this journey to understanding people who are different than me. So, with that being said...

Today I've made the decision to become even more aware of and sensitive to others' feelings. I've made the decisions to stop being subconsciously racist (look it up -- quite interesting). I've made the decision to respect people in every sense of the word.

Thank you, Alexis, for inviting me to such a touching celebration that I will remember for the rest of my life.

I don't know about you, but I like feelin' 22.

So... We all know that Kendra doesn't post on her blog unless she has a hot, fiery opinion about something. So here it goes.

You know that blog post going viral on Facebook about how girls shouldn't get married before they are 23? Or the other response blog post saying that girls that are married are just as happy as single girls? Well...I just have a few things to say. I promise to keep it short & sweet.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Kendra. She got accepted to BYU-Idaho on New Year's Day 2009 and decided to take the plunge (marriage hungry & all) into BYU-I-Do exactly a year later on January 1st 2010. 

Well, she dated here and there, & had a couple of serious boyfriends over the span of the 2-3 years she was there. Not only did she date in those 3 years, but she made lifelong best friends, developed a deeper testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ & learned to take care of herself on her own. But as New Year's 2012 was approaching, she was still desperate for a husband. (After all, she was turning 21 soon -- either a man or a mission, right?)

On December 31, 2011, she finally met him: the young man she thought she would marry. 

They hit it off and dropped the L-bomb by January 18th. Shortly thereafter in March of the same year, they were engaged to be married in the Mesa, AZ temple on September 1st 2012. 

Long story short...things happened and dreams were shattered. After plans were made, decorations paid for & announcements sent out, Kendra called off their engagement exactly ten days before the wedding.

What was she supposed to do now?

Oh yeah. 

LIVE HER LIFE. 

Disclaimer: I have a plethora -- let me repeat myself -- a PLETHORA of married friends that were married before 23. (In fact...the majority of them were.) And I love them dearly and TRULY know it was part of God's plan to have them marry before the age of 23. BUT...

The last year (2013) on my OWN without any boyfriend or serious relationship and OUT of Rexburg, Idaho... I have learned SO much. Please, let me explain. 

I've leaned that there is more to life than waiting around for someone to sweep you off your feet. Now...do I still want that? Of course! But I'm no longer basing my own happiness on someone else's presence in my life that I don't even know exists [yet] or not!

I've developed a fiery passion for my education & future carrier as a teacher. For the first time in my college LIFE -- I am going to school to learn instead of find a boy to cuddle with on cold, wintery Friday nights!

I've learned how to make friends -- a LOT of them! Did you know boys can actually be friends with you & not be potential "prospects"??! It's GREAT! I've made more friends in Provo than I had ever thought possible at BYU-Idaho because I stopped focusing on my dating life & instead started focusing on people.

I've also learned how to date, date, date & not fall for the first guy that buys me dinner or tells me how pretty my eyes are. I've learned how to be my own person and ADMIT when I'm not interested in someone.

I've learned how to serve. I've learned how to focus on others and look for their needs before my own & because of this I've met people that I know I needed in my life to teach me the lessons of sacrifice and service. The miracles of serving have just been miraculous and just so indescribable.

Ok I will stop there -- but ONLY because I promised that I would be brief.

But -- I will say that I think the intent of that initial article was to prove that there is more to life than waiting around for someone to make you happy. When you're living your life happily on your OWN, that special someone will show up. 

Now go live your life. 

(But on the other hand...my 23rd birthday is in exactly three weeks, so maybe I should stop acting so happy, free, confused & lonely at the same time and find myself a husband. Now accepting applications. Tell your friends -- preferably those who hate the snow.)

Missrepresentation

First off -- as much as I love acrylics, it's really unfortunate that you can't see my fingers as I attempt to type this post right now. I seriously wish I could film this just to humor you. It's really, really hard. I don't know how girls do it. In fact, I even had to watch this video on YouTube to learn how to function with nails.

How to Function with Nails

KIDDING.

But I really hope you watched the video...it's worth the 4:32 minutes of your life.

Secondly...

Have you ever watched the documentary called Missrepresentation?

OK, I promise -- it's really worth an hour of your life and it's life CHANGING. It's even on Netflix!

It's about how the media has completely altered and destroyed the perception of what a woman is and "should" be. Because I don't want to ruin the film for you, I will just say that I'm guilty or "trapped" or stuck in this lie that every woman should be fit and good looking -- after all, "When all else fails, at least look cute," right? Or, my favorite (that I seriously live by), "It's better to arrive late than ugly."

It's time to get OUT of that trap!

NOW -- I'm ALL about confidence and living life as if the world is your runway. Every girl should feel that confident, but the sad thing is that we DON'T. If you're a girl reading this, I'm 99.9% positive that you've struggled with one (or all) of the following:

• Self-doubt
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Discouragement

ALL because of your body image or the way you look. Am I right? Actually, there's no need to answer because I already know the answer, and it's either a yes or a HECK yes. (I can only say that because I'm also 110% guilty.)

Girls, it's a problem -- a SERIOUS problem. When are we going to stand up and just say NO?! 

"Lose weight."

No.

"Change your hair color."

No.

"Wear these clothes."

No.

"Buy this push-up bra."

No.

"Look like Beyonce."

NO!

When will we ever realize that we're enough? Will that ever happen? Or are we just going to sit here on Pinterest, Facebook, and Instagram and just compare ourselves to every other girl out there?  

Think about it this way: For every girl that you've coveted the hair of or envied the body of... can you imagine all the girls that have envied you? For your amazing smile, luscious locks, stellar calves or rockin' cheekbones? Just let that sink in. 

When you stare at yourself in the mirror, you may see pasty white skin, cellulite on your thighs, clown-feet on a body that's only 5'3", droopy old-man ears, wrinkly hands, massive calves and chipmunk cheeks...

But if only you knew what everyone else sees.

Those thick, golden locks are to die for and that smile... That smile steals more hearts than you know. And that little dimple on your left cheek? That cute little birthmark is a rare gem that only comes out when you blush. And let's not forget that rockin' behind of yours. Beyonce might have it, but it's rare on a white girl -- count your blessings.

When we look in the mirror, how often do we SMILE and say, "Wow. I'm beautiful"...?

Try it. I dare you.

This means war.

So my precious roommate, Jac, and I watch a movie together at least once a week. She introduces me to new movies each week, and I try to stay awake. (No, I'm not insulting Jac's taste in movies -- I'm saying that I'm exhausted by 8:30, but I refuse to go to bed because I can't sleep for more than 8-9 hours at a time.)

My FAVORITE movie so far has been Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. If you're into the whole romance/drama/comedy thing, I highly recommend it. I'm obsessed.

And the title of this blog post... Have you ever seen that movie? This Means War?

Oh. My. Life.

#tinderprobs

We hadn't even been watching the movie for ten minutes before I turned to Jac and said, "Wow! Reese Witherspoon's hair is amazing in this movie!"

Then ten more minutes went by...

And I realized I had the same haircut.

And I do my hair the exact same way.

All the time.

She has good taste.

Please, do you see that "Utah" poof she's got goin' on?!

(Oh, and Maddie Hicks = Chelsea Lately in this movie. Just saying.)

ANYWAY.

This whole daylight savings time thing is seriously killing me. The fact that it's already dark by 5:30 is really, really depressing me. Not only is it dark and dreary, but I feel like I get lazy when it's dark this early. Since it feels like 9:30 (when it's actually 6:30), I treat life like it's 9:30 and do NOTHING for hours on end until it's time to go to bed! It sounds ridiculous but it's true!

No wonder people get fat in the winter.

But seriously.

So, with that being said... I feel lazy. But in my defense, the last six months have been terrible because I pretty much broke my leg back in June. (Okay, a stress fracture in my femur -- but it's just as painful, if not more painful than a broken leg.) Because it's my femur, they couldn't really do anything for it except tell me "Don't run on it for 8-12 weeks."

It's been 24 weeks.

Still not running.

December 3rd... that's the day.

Please, Dr. Jackson... please tell me I can run again.

Kiss & Run

I guess in order to get my "followers" back I better start actually posting on a regular basis, eh? I guess my problem is that I only blog when I have a strong, passionate, and fiery opinion about something... maybe that's how I lose followers, too? It's possible.

Anyway -- a few things today.

First order of business:

A friend of mine came over to visit yesterday and gave me this book. My initial reaction? I laughed. I'm not a commitaphobe!

And then I read the first page.

And then realized someone else other than Taylor Swift has been following me around and writing about my life.

For instance:

Page 1: "Let's face it - many women can't even commit to a lunch date, let alone a lifelong relationship."
Confession: I'm the queen of flaking out on lunch dates.

Page 2: "But take Susan, for example. At 33, she's a successful event planner who has dated numerous men, broken many hearts (including that of an ex-fiance), and had her fair share of heartbreak. Much as she wants to meet "the one," tie the knot, and have children, she continually finds herself going from one short-lived relationship to the next. Like clockwork, after three months of dating a man, she manages to find something wrong with him."
Confession: After reading this, I felt like throwing my hands up and saying, "FINE! I'm a commitaphobe!"

Page 3: "Top Signs You're Commitment-Phobic" (I'll just name a few...)

• You have the habit of dating [or, crushing on/wanting really bad] unavailable men
• You have a long and elaborate list of requirements for your ideal mate
• You go from one short-lived relationship [or fling] to the next
• You back out of plans last minute and/or have trouble setting a time for dates
• You cultivate larger networks of friends and acquaintances at the expense of single romantic relationships
• You have a lot of relationship trauma in your past
• You date more than one man at a time to prevent becoming dependent
• You have a difficult time getting over past boyfriends
• You prefer hook-ups and friends with "benefits" scenarios to relationships [aka, NCMO's]

Confession: I really don't wanna talk about it.

Page 11: "I mean, how funny is it to want something, drive yourself crazy fantasizing about it every day, and then when you finally get it, drop it like last year's Ugg boots?"

Confession: (Aside from the fact I can proudly say that I never had those horrific Ugg boots that every girl in Arizona wore with her jean mini-skirt during mid-March in the 9th grade) --  I can empathize.

Page 15: "I think that women's commitment-phobia stems from not wanting to settle for something right now, especially since something better might come along."

Confession: The "Better-than Syndrome" of Provo, Utah... #guilty When there are so many options, who wants to settle? Even if that just means settling down?

Which leads me to my next point...

Page 16: "With so many dizzying options to pick from, today's women are far more prone to catching the commitment-phobia bug than ever before. Think about it. It's all to easy to decide on a coat of paint for your bedroom when you only have a choice of two colors. But when presented with a rainbow of equally pleasing options (caramel late, polo blue, acorn yellow), the whole matter can become far more confusing than it needs to be."

Confession: Too many choices to make a decision. Do you realize how many matches I have on Tinder? (Stop judging me, I know you're just as guilty.)

Page 19: "Whether it was watching our parents quarrel, toil away in unfulfilling relationships, or suffer the hardships that accompany a single-parent lifestyle, we swore that would never be us; we vowed to never end up in a similar situation. Now that we're older and, we hope, a bit wiser, many of us still haven't gotten over the past."

Confession: Sure divorce scares me. As it scares any kid with divorced parents. (But, I will say -- it's the least worrisome of my commitment issues.)

Page 37: "Denial: I couldn't possibly have commitment-phobia. I'm totally open to the prospect of meeting someone. Nope, that's not me. I'm always on the lookout for a new relationship. It just never works out. It's really the men's fault. I just can't seem to find anyone to settle down with, except that one guy, hmmm... No, he was really just a little too nice. I don't think it would have worked out." 

Confession: My life! HA! 

Page 43: "Commitment-Minded Connie: Can anyone say commitment-obsessed? You would rather die than end up alone, and you spend all your waking hours fantasizing about meeting the perfect guy. Not to begrudge you some frivolous fun planning a mock-wedding or lightning your "love spell" candles, but consider that just because you think you want a commitment, that doesn't mean you're necessarily ready for one. In fact, all that compulsive thinking about commitment may actually be a way to sabotage real relationships from forming and developing naturally. We often avoid dealing with our personal issues about love by escaping into a fantasy world where everything just happens magically. So while you may be enamored with the concept of a commitment, your gripping desire for it shows you may not be prepared to do the heavy lifting that relationships require."

Confession: The results of my quiz...

Page 54: "Fear of Rejection: Oftentimes our fear of commitment has to do with an immense fear of being abandoned, rejected and cast aside. Many of you have probably gone through painful experiences in which you opened up to someone only to be rejected. It's easy to react to this pain by shutting down emotionally, preemptively breaking off relationships, or avoiding dating altogether."

Confession: In the words of Taylor Swift, love is a ruthless game, unless you play it good and right. In the words of Pat Benatar, love is a battlefield. In simpler words: who wouldn't want to protect themselves from heartache? #wallsup

Page 60: "Is it commitment-phobia, or is it just that I haven't met the right person? Many of you are convinced that the reason why you're single is that you just haven't met the right guy. You believe that your married or committed friends just drew a better number in the love lottery and that once you meet the right person all your commitment issues will simply vanish into thin air. It's fair to say that some of you just can't wrap your mind around the fact that you haven commitment issues. In fact, "I haven't met the right person" is the most common rationalization women use to avoid dealing with their anxiety. But meeting someone who's right for you is not just about luck and good timing. It's about being emotionally and psychologically ready to make a lasting connection. There may have been plenty of guys you've met who could have been contenders, but you were probably not in the right head space to recognize them. In the end, commitment issues won't just go away when you meet the man you've been dreaming of. In fact, meeting the right person may just make them even worse."

Confession: Again, MY LIFE.

Okay, last one for today.

Page 69: I'm not picky, I'm just..." I know, I know. You're not nit-picky, you're just selective. You're not picky, you just know what you like. Repeat after me, you're not picky, you're just... 

• "I just have high standards." 
• "I just haven't met the right guy."
• "I just get turned off easily."

For instance:

You: "So what's your relationship with your mother like?"

Him: "I love my mother. She's one of the greatest women I know.

Nitpicker Verdict: Mama's boy.

You: "So are you career-driven?"

Him: "Yes, I'm passionate about my work as a lifestyle counselor. I teach people how to balance their work and personal lives."
Nitpicker Verdict: Obsessive workaholic. 

You: "So when was your last relationship?"

Him: "I was dating a wonderful woman for three years, but we grew apart."

Nitpicker Verdict: Still in love with his ex.

You: "So what do you do for fun?"

Him: "Um, let's see. I love doing crosswords, hanging out at the coffee shop with friends, going to movies - that kind of thing."

Nitpicker Verdict: Slacker couch potato.

You: "So what do you do for fun?" (Example #2)

Him: "I really love the outdoors. Hiking, canoeing, camping - that kind of thing"

Nitpicker Verdict: He's totally judging me for not being outdoorsy.

Confession: I feel like this girl just described every thought I've ever had on a first date.

Disclaimer: I don't have one. I'm speechless.

Well, that was a lot for one blog post. But I must share one more thing!

I saw a recipe on Pinterest once for frozen banana milkshakes. Well, today I decided to try it, but I didn't remember the exact recipe other than the fact it had frozen bananas, hot chocolate powder, and some milk. Oh, and I decided to add some peanut butter for good measure -- and OH. MY. WORD. 

Try it. Just try it. 

In a blender:

-1 frozen banana

-A tiny bit of milk (just so the banana will actually cream-up a bit)

-1 spoonful of cocoa powder (already sweetened like Nesquick or Stephen's Hot Chocolate)

-1 TBSP of peanut butter

Blend.

DEVOUR.

Creamiest, thickest shake of my LIFE.

Back on Board. Round 2.

Yes, I'm back.

If you're a frequent follower of mine -- or used to be, I'm honored that you've decided to start reading again. You're the reason I take the risk of basically throwing up details of my life all over the internet. It's fine. 

My last post was in May of this year... basically a whole six months ago. Can you believe it's November already? Before we know it, we're gonna be gorging ourselves with turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries (well, some of us cranberries -- I personally find them disgusting), and pumpkin pie -- and, of course, shortly thereafter wanting to kill ourselves or at least overdose on laxatives. (Too far?) 

Anyway -- if you've read this blog or any posts from my previous (and really embarrassing) blog from 248 years ago (okay, 3), you'll know that I write a lot about my dating life. "Who in their right mind would do that?!" you might ask. Well, I oftentimes ask myself the exact same thing. And guess what? Things haven't changed, so here we go.

In the past 11 months or so, I've dated a lot. In fact, to be exact... I've been on 56 first dates upon moving to Provo, Utah -- that's right, home of the Cougars. (Go ahead, take that as literally or as figuratively as you'd like.) And in those 11 months, I've learned a lot of things. Just to humor you, I guess I can share a thing or two I've learned here at BYU.

1. There are a lot of great restaurants in Provo. (My favorite? Station 22.)
2. People aren't as marriage hungry here as people like to think. It's kinda nice. No pressure.
3. BYU Creamery has the best ice cream known to mankind (Sorry, Coldstone.)
4. The canyon is creepy.
5. So is Squaw Peak. (Don't go there. Ever.) 
6. Tinder isn't as "taboo" as a lot of people think and is totally worth giving a shot.
7. But NCMO's... don't do it. And if you do it, stop doing it.
8. Be. Yourself. STOP  worrying about what people (especially those of the opposite sex) think. If they don't like you for you, then it's time to go on another first date.
9. Honesty is the best policy. If you're not interested, be honest and straight up -- guys appreciate it.
10. The post-date text is always appreciated. BUT... be careful. Only send it if you're interested.

However, I must say that the most important thing I've learned in the last year or so of being in Provo is that dating (well, sucks) -- but that it's okay to not commit if you're just not feelin' it. People come and go -- and most of the time, they'll go. But it's crucial to always remember that more will always come along! So, never settle. It's just not worth it.  And if you're turned down? Be a big girl (or boy), pick yourself up, and keep on goin'. Life is gonna be A-OK. (But really. If you don't believe me, go back to the archives of this blog from late 2012 and you'll see what I mean.) 

toodles :)

P.S. guess who's going to Boston, NYC, and San Diego for Christmas/New Years... 

YEP. THIS GIRL.

"My mom is ______-er than yours..."

I think it's safe to say that all of us have the BEST mom in the world!

Okay, confession. I'm usually indifferent holidays on Facebook because everyone says the saaaaame ol' thing. "Happy _______!" But today has been so different from any other hallmark holiday -- and especially touching. I loved seeing everyone's pictures and tributes to their mothers. Motherhood is truly something so special.

Honestly... after all the crap I went through in the last year, my mom has been my rock. She's not only stood by me, but she has supported me, held me, and cried with me. Other than Christ himself, my mom has been the only person to truly empathize and understand the pain I've felt and the trials I've gone through. The last 9 months have brought me not only to my knees, but closer to my mom. After breaking up with Tyler, I only tasted the pain she went through when she and my dad got divorced. Letting go of your fiance is only a fraction of what it must feel like to lose your husband. After that trial, I can now understand my mom just a little bit more, and now I respect and love her a thousand times more.

I love her so, so, SO much. I couldn't imagine one day without her just a phone call (okay, maybe 6 phone calls, 4 voicemail messages and 2 texts) away.

(Yes, I love her -- but she's the hardest person to get ahold of sometimes. And trust me, I'm not the only person who feels this way ;)

LOVE YOU, MOM!

School, school, school!

So, because I transferred to BYU from BYU-Idaho, my time in school extended by about a year and a half. (RIDICULOUS, RIGHT?) I went from graduating early to... a year late.

5.5 years of college... WHOO HOO!

Not.

Yes, my generals/foundations transferred because I had my Associate's Degree done. However, the Elementary Education program is way more in-depth and rigorous here. BYU-Idaho couldn't offer me a TESOL (Teaching English as a Second Oral Language) minor or an ELL/ESL (English Language Learner/English Second Language) teaching badge at graduation, whereas BYU here in Provo can. So... that explains why I have to take more classes and why I'll be here another year and a half -- basically I'll be more marketable, find a job more easily & I'll make more $ after graduation because I'll be graduating from BYU instead of BYU-Idaho.

Make sense?

So it's worth it, right?

I hope so because I'm really coveting all of those caps and gowns I'm seeing on my Facebook newsfeed from students at both BYU campuses! So many of my friends are graduating! It's like that Taylor Swift song...

"Well it's a sad picture, the final blow hits ya, and somebody else gets what you wanted again."

It's so annoying how LONG school is taking. I was talking to my mom on the way to the airport last week about it, and ya know what she said?

"Well, it's a good thing you're up there. Even though it will take longer (to graduate), I'm glad you're at BYU. Hey, at least that gives you more time to find a companion?"

YEP. Because I sure didn't get the MRS Degree at BYU-I-DO! Which, honestly... lesbihonest. That's completely fine with me. As much as I love my guy friends and all the guys at BYU-Idaho, the guys in Provo are a tad more driven. They're not just going to school to find a wife. I would say that at least 90% of the guys I talk to are either pre-med, pre-law or on their way to Grad school whereas up there...? HA!

I'm serious.

Plus, being down here at BYU has made me more driven and excited to pursue my education. There's something in the air down here that's contagious. On the Sunday before finals, I had never heard so many people say, "I have to study!" That never happened at BYU-Idaho. Well, now, we could go into the whole "BYU is the Church's school, but BYU-Idaho is the Lord's school" debate... but I won't get started.

My point is -- People here are driven and ambitious. And it's made me driven and ambitious. But I just want to graduate already...

!

Awfully Awesome.

First and foremost -- I am so depressed. One of my most loyal blog readers, Mariah Pugmire, has been shipped off to the MTC to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Finland. She'd message me on a weekly basis and say, "UPDATE YOUR BLOG!" whenever I was slacking. (Right now would probably be one of those times.)

So after only a week at my new job, I'd take working in the food industry ANY DAY over working retail. I usually work retail at home during the summers or during breaks from school -- and although I'm awesome at it, I absolutely hate it compared to the food industry. I have learned that hungry college students are a lot easier to please than rich, middle-aged mothers of toddlers. Not only that, when the restaurant gets busy, it's a lot more fun than when I store gets busy (and messy).

However, it's critical that I don't mess up on any orders or else I'll end up eating the "mess-up" entree.

No. Bueno. Gotta keep my figure.

I've also decided that this semester has truly been one of the best semesters of my life. (Oh, PS my life has gone by "semesters" since January 2010 when I started college. It's the only way I keep track of events in my life.)

Seriously. Last semester (Fall 2012) was the worst of my life (for obvious reasons). Even Spring 2012 when I was engaged to Tyler was really rough. But I think the Lord just knew I needed a break and some extra blessings, so He blessed me with new opportunities and new people. It's been quite refreshing. I mean, not only do I have straight A's for the FIRST time in my COLLEGE CAREER, but I have also made some amazing friends, have a great calling in my ward, and an AWESOME and FUN job -- where I enjoy closing! Oh, and a great social life. I counted, and.... I may or may have not gone on over 25 dates this semester with 25 different people.

Not even joking.

What more could a girl ask for? (*Knock on wood*)

The Lord truly does bless his children after much trial, testing, and tribulation. I could name countless blessings I've received this semester, but I think the greatest blessing of all has been the growth that I've gone through and the solidification of my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I can't tell you the exact date, but I can tell you the exact moment that I felt the overwhelming healing power of the Atonement in my heart after all that I went through last year. Since that moment, I've been able to enjoy life and live it to its fullest. Although there have been moments of heartache and missing him, all I have to do is stop looking back and look forward to the future and future blessings that I've been promised time and time again. The Lord loves me, and He loves each and every one of His children. All we have to do is let Him into our hearts and take His advice -- follow the commandments. Following God's laws and letting the Atonement heal us will only bless our lives. From much experience, I know this to be true!

Anyway -- I had no intentions to make this a Gospel post, but you can't deny the feelings when they come.

Goodnight, ya'll.

Someone's gotta say it.

Is it just me that sees these all over Pinterest?

Ok -- I'm not going to pretend I haven't laughed at any of these before because I have. But it's almost the same at when I laugh at some Mormon jokes. I can laugh because I'm Mormon (and when it comes to Mormon culture -- some are hilarious because they're true). But sometimes... I just don't find them funny. 

Ok, ok. I used to laugh at a lot of Taylor Swift memes. But I've noticed the press has been really hard on her lately and so has society. And I'm not going to sit here and try to "protect" or "defend" her -- but I do want to state my opinion on the matter.

Number ONE. Taylor Swift is not Adele. They may be the same age, but they are two separate artists and have utter and completely two different styles of music. BEFORE you go crazy on me and rant about how much more "artistic" or "real" Adele is -- hear me out. Prior to seeing that last meme, I had NO idea that Adele was around the same age as Taylor Swift. I had NO CLUE why her album's were called "20" and "21" because based on her voice, her music and the fact she has a child -- I was under the assumption that she was in her thirties. Granted she makes me want to start cutting myself every time I listen to her, Adele has a very mature sounding voice and she is very talented. So, naturally, I thought she was older.

With that being said, Taylor Swift, like myself, is... 22. Like myself, Taylor Swift has probably kissed boys. She's also probably had her short-lived flings and been heartbroken a time or two. Or, on several occasions for that matter because either the guys she's dated are tools or flakey -- or, simply, it just doesn't work out for one reason or another. And then she's probably had a few legitimate boyfriends who have legitimately left her broken. And, of course, maybe one whom she has had to repeatedly tell, "We are never, ever getting back together" because she just couldn't put up with him or his crap anymore.

NOW... looking at my own, normal 22 year old life, I sit here and think... I can easily give her the benefit of the doubt because there have been SEVERAL occasions when I've needed to vent about a guy that I'm missing, a guy that I've been hurt by, and sometimes just a guy that left me in the dirt -- and there have been more than just that "one" guy that's done the exact same thing to me before! So, on that note, I've vented about guys (some boys) in a blog post -- some have even gotten more than one blog post "dedicated" to them. (Granted... they remain anonymous -- but it's still happened.) 

Does that make ME crazy? Does that make ME stuck in high school? Does that make ME the problem? 

Taylor Swift is 22. She lives a 22 year old life. She dates. She occasionally gets as boyfriend. She gets heartbroken. And, she needs to vent once in a while about it.

(And then... she makes millions -- but that's beside the point.) 

But before I end this post -- one more thing.

Taylor Swift may not be as great of a singer or lyricist as a lot of other artists out there. But, I will say this... She knows how to express my own feelings in a way that no other artist can. Without Taylor Swift, I don't know who else would write about my life -- or any other 22 year old girl's for that matter. 

So, to conclude, I'm a diehard and proud of it. If you don't like her, I'm completely okay with that. And we can still be friends -- I just had to make a point. But, then again...

Writing Assignment?

So in my ED323 class, we're learning about writing and the value of writing -- and how to instill a love for it in our future students. With that being said, I'm required to write for 20 minutes.

Talk about EASY CHEESY!

I love writing.

Okay now -- updating time. Honestly, a lot has happened lately. Like... a lot! But unfortunately the kind of things that have happened lately are simply not "blogging appropriate." So, if you want a secret update, then feel free to message me.

Today was a long day. For some odd reason, I woke up just emotionally upset. I felt like a weight had been placed on my chest, and I had no idea why. Okay lies -- I had a few possible ideas why, but I couldn't pinpoint one single thing. Honestly... everything that stresses me out just hit me all at once, so it was an emotionally difficult day.

So... I decided I needed a good chat and a Priesthood blessing.

I called up my good friend Ryan Hintze, and he took me to get cazookie (AKA -- in Arizona terms, a pizookie). We chatted for an hour or so, and it was so good just to TALK to someone! We just chatted about life in general and the struggles people our age are struggling with all around us!

When it all comes down to it -- it really stems from individual worth and self-image issues.

GIRLS! Stop looking in the mirror and pointing out all of your imperfections and blemishes and extra pounds and dry skin and whatever ELSE it is you're looking at that's so "NASTY" or "FAT" or "GROSS" because it's not! God doesn't think you're too fat, too flat, or too whatever so STOP thinking you are!

There are so many girls who struggle with eating disorders that we don't even realize! STOP IT! I mean -- granted, it's okay to go running and trying to be more healthy. I get it. But stop starving yourself and start loving yourself.

In fact -- did you know that the most attractive and sexiest thing about a woman is her confidence?

GET THIS -- Today Ryan said, "Have you seen Pitch Perfect?"

Lesbihonest.

"Yeah? Why?"

"Fat Amy is hot! Because she's CONFIDENT and she knows she's awesome!"

Best quote of the day.

Girls, YOU are awesome.

ALSO --

When Tyler and I broke up, he told me what had attracted him to me the most. And you know what it was?

No, not my huge hips. (Although volumptuous -- no.)

It was my smile.

And I don't think it's just my smile that attracts a guy -- it's ANY girl's smile and any girl's confidence! 

The sexiest thing about a woman is her smile because her smile just speaks... CONFIDENCE! 

So, smile. 

A real smile.

Treacherous.

So I obviously just finished watching the Bachelor finale. In all honesty -- even though it really is just a TV show... it hurts seeing rejection. It hurts seeing heartbreak. Yeah, that sounds so cliche and silly, right? But no. It's real.

Really though -- I hate seeing others have to go through that. Sometimes it brings back the pain that is just all too familiar. And then it just makes me even more scared to be vulnerable to heartbreak again in any shape or form.

Speaking of vulnerability...

I've done a lot of self-assessing and analyzing this week. With all this dating stuff going on lately, I sit and think.

Even when I have a GREAT guy in front of me... Am I scared of dating anyone seriously because I'm not ready? Or is it just because I haven't found the "right one" yet because no one seems good enough? 

Yeah, probably both. But then I thought about it some more...

I've met some really, really great guys up here. And even when the interest is somewhat mutual, I still hold back. I hold back from saying "HEY! I like you. Let's do this for real" because 1. What if I'm rejected? 2. Because I'm scared of my family being skeptical of me & my choices of who I date and when I choose to date them -- seriously. 3. Because I'm scared of the skeletons hiding in their closets. It's an issue. And lastly, 4. I'm scared. Just because I know what it's like to be so hurt and heartbroken for whatever reason. And when you put yourself out there like that... you essentially leave your heart on the table... wide and open only to be crushed.

GAH. Watching the Bachelor just brought back allllll of those feelings.

Well -- BEFORE watching the Bachelor, I talked to my mom on the phone last week. I just started crying. I just felt so discouraged. I seriously felt (well, and sometimes still feel) like there was absolutely NO hope. I couldn't help but think I'm never going to find a guy worth marrying.

Quite frankly - I can't tell you how many times I've gone to bed crying with these thoughts in my head.

And then yesterday happened.

Maybe it's me that needs to change. Maybe it's me that needs a new perspective. It's not the "guy" that's the problem -- maybe it's ME?! I just never, ever give them a chance! I was sitting in church thinking, "Maybe I just need to let go of the frustration and have some hope for once... some faith." And I felt that's a good point -- it's true. I DO need to let go of the pain and the hurt... and the discouragement. And have faith that the man I choose to give my heart to one day will be worth it won't break me.

But then before I know it, the thoughts of discouragement all come back. Why should I settle for someone I'm not crazy about? But... am I not "crazy" about them because I'm not giving them a chance? Because my thoughts of discouragement and fear are clouding my vision of the potential in their eyes?

This slope is treacherous.

Big sigh.

Your passion is contagious.

So I really, really should go to bed right now but I have so much to say and my mind is just RACING!

Tonight I had a little study session with a girl in my ward who is also an elementary education major. We were studying phonics, syllabication, etc. for our literacy quiz tomorrow... Well, after we finished studying, we started talking about what it really means to be a teacher and how underestimated our future profession really is. Now, I know I already posted about this topic recently -- but there are a few more comments that I'd like to make.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when my sister, yeah -- Danica, comments on my major of study. She'll say things like, "Yadda, yadda...You're an elementary ED major!" as if it's not a big deal or as if it's EASY.

Well, folks. Easy it may seem.

But while you're a dentist cleaning teeth all day, just remember who's being underpaid to teach your child how to read, write, spell, and do arithmetic AND MORE -- not to mention teaching your child how to be self-disciplined and develop a good sense of character on the side while doing the same favor for 29+ other students of different academic/cultural/SES backgrounds in the same classroom.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Their teachers.

Will you dare to underestimate my chosen major of study one more time?

I didn't think so.

NOW -- school for me now may be an easier task at hand than your mechanical engineering or pre-med chemistry classes.

But if you ever... EVER think about underestimating the profession of a teacher -- please, think again.

Now please, don't get me wrong. I am NOT complaining. In fact, I am shouting to the rooftops how excited I am! After talking to my friend about how much teachers shape and influence lives of students -- I can't WAIT to be a teacher.

Students are going to come into my classroom after a long, dreadful weekend at home or even after seeing their dad thrown into jail for selling drugs. And they're going to need my love and my hand in their life because they don't get the love and support they need at home. To further my point, you may have had Mom and Dad read to you every night -- but a lot of children don't! And in my future classroom, there will be students who will not be as fortunate to have that academic support at home... But it is up to me as their teacher to be there for those students!

My point here is -- it's not going to be an easy task. However, I am thrilled to be a teacher someday.

So don't hate.

SECONDLY: 

Every time I hear/read this quote, I take a deep breath of relief... and smile.

Thank you, Pinterest!

For reading my last blog post and creating a pin for it!

Falling in love with strangers.

I have this problem. If it's not "love at first sight," I'm not into it. Yeah, it's terrible. Since him, I have terrible expectations. I am just not into it. I'm done. I hate this.

Okay let me explain.

But before I start explaining -- I KNOW that "when it's right it will fall into place..."

So, with that being said, I have a venting session for you. If you love these posts, get ready for a good one. If you don't? Then go back to "liking" pointless and cheesy posts about lovers on your newsfeed.

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much. Maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.

Okay that was just a T.Swift lyric for --

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casual and cruel in the name of bein' honest.

SORRY! I love this song.

But here we go.

(Oh gosh. "Never Grow Up" just came on. SOML.)

Okay you know what? Instead of explaining how I feel -- I'm just gonna let her do it.

He is sensible and so incredible 
And all my single friends are jealous 
He says everything I need to hear and it's like 
I couldn't ask for anything better 
He opens up my door and I get into his car 
And he says you look beautiful tonight 
And I feel perfectly fine...

And if you know her like I do, you know what she says next.

It's not that I'm still mourning over HIM. It's just the way it felt -- it's just not the same with any other guy I've met up here. And it's not like I haven't given any guys up here a chance. I really have dated a TON. I was just asked last night -- "How many dates would you say that you've gone on since you got to Provo?" Funny you ask -- I just made a list two days ago.

At least 10.

Usually one date a week and one on the weekend. Don't look at me like I'm bragging -- I'm not. I'm just saying that I've given guys chances, and I still have yet to find one where it just... clicks.

Like he did.

Loving him was red.

GAH.

Falling slowly.

Hi.

So... As exciting as it truly is, I refrain to blog about my dating life on this blog. (That's what my other blog was about and that's why it was so embarrassing to post links to. Because it was personal!) But -- I have some frustrations to let out.

Here's the thing. I date. A lot. Like...I think there's only been 2 weekends where I haven't had a date since I've been in Provo. And if I don't have a date on the weekend, I usually do during the week sometime. (Wow this is sounding super arrogant.) But that's background info that is crucial to what I'm about to tell you.

Well, since January, I've had a couple people that I'm legitimately interested in. But here's the thing... 

I'm not ready for any kind of relationship.

AT. ALL.

And I can't decide if that's because I really LIKE being single and dating like crazy or... if it's because I'm scared and just not ready to take on a relationship again regardless of who the guy is. Really though -- it's probably both reasons.

I'm a really indecisive person to begin with and then just adding the word "relationship" into it all freaks me out.

But then what do I do when I really like someone? I suddenly think I want the relationship! But then I slap myself in the face and say, "You've been on a total of 10 dates/hang out sessions with him! You don't know him well enough to be in a relationship with him!" Either that or I picture my mom/sisters yelling that in my face. 

-- OR -- 

I will pull the "Plus, what about _______?" card. In other words, the "Better than" card.

Honestly though. Put yourself in my shoes. How could I not play that card? I think I finally take the idea of commitment to the whole new level of seriousness now. 

Can you blame me?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He really set the standard when it comes to friendship and personality. If I'm not absolutely crazy about someone or I don't see it in the future for whatever reason under given circumstances, WHY COMMIT?

But then part of me thinks... But I really like this one!

And then I think... But he's really great, too!

And that's dating.

It's so confusing.

Yet so fun.

But frustrating.

#datingmachine #commitaphobe #stressedoutsally

Totes Hilar...

I hate words like "totes" and "hilar" because they're not even words... but I've found myself using them quite frequently lately.

PS - Remember when I talked about people deleting me on Facebook last time? I totes (HA!) jk -- totally counted a total of 10 people who've deleted me in the last 6 months. No joke. Don't ask me how I figured it out -- but I did. I don't blame them though. I really have been a sour punch straw the last few months...

I would also like to mention that I love my grandma so much. She calls me and we'll talk 20-30 minutes, which may not seem like a long time -- but, I'm not really much of a phone talker (except with Nat & Steph). She was talking about how it snowed in Phoenix this week and said: "From a distance, it's so beautiful -- nice to look at." I then responded (from snowy Provo, Utah) "YES, from a distance!" HA! We are funny. She is the best. We also talked about how incredible my mom is. Seriously I don't know how my mom is even emotionally alive sometimes. She's gone through hell and back at least a million times... Both of those women are such great examples to me. 

ANYWAY --

Today is a special day because I'm posting something very... very special. But first -- I wanted to just tell you all about the comparisons/contrasts I've made between BYU and BYU-Idaho. They're quite interesting if you ask me...

Ready? 'Cause here we go.

• BYU-Idaho's "flirt floor" of the library is the 3rd floor... and it's so LOUD. I seriously wonder if anyone gets anything done up there. Well, at BYU, the "make out floor" is on the 5th floor -- and it's DEAD SILENT (hence, why I enjoy studying up there). The irony...
• BYU-Idaho's fitness center is THE BEST. It's huge, new, and has super nice treadmills where you can hook up your iPod to charge and evvverything. BYU's = GHETTO. Enough said. (Seriously erks me... Then I realize I really do miss some things about BYU-Idaho!)
• BYU-Idaho's Crossroads (cafeteria, food, etc.) is SUPER nice. It's also super new -- and there are so many places to sit. BYU's Cougar Eat? Not so much. Small and food isn't as good. Cheaper, but not as good.
• BYU-Idaho's locker room = TINY. BYU's? HUUUUGE! And so many places to sit and get ready in front of a mirror. Seriously I'd totally shower and get ready in there everyday if I had to.
• BYU-Idaho's testing center -- some might call the one in the MC totally miserable, but I actually really liked it. BYU's testing center is a whole building dedicated to the testing center and I swear it's like a courthouse! -- That's seriously what it reminds me of. It's huge and just screams MISERY with tall, narrow, scary windows and no color. It's even old looking -- seriously scary. Plus, BYU-Idaho's testing center employees look professional. BYU's testing center employees weren't even dressed professionally! Seriously t-shirts and jeans. I wasn't as intimidated by them.
• BYU-Idaho hardly had any computer/printing labs around campus. BYU has them EVERYWHERE! It's so nice because I can't figure out how to hook up to their wireless printing... Which, I loved wireless printing at BYU-Idaho. -- so that one kinda evens out.
• BYU-Idaho's campus was sooooooo spread APART. I hated walking 10 minutes to my next class! BYU is bigger, but the buildings are closer together -- so nice.
• BYU-Idaho had hills. And wind. BYU has stairs. Lots of them. Either way, my calves are getting a workout. However -- I do prefer stairs to hills any day.

Okay but all in all -- I think I love BYU better simply because of the weather. It may snow...but it melts within a couple hours. Plus, there's no wind and the guys are taller here. 

ALRIGHT -- so... now the special part.

Remember when I mentioned Project Runaway? My old blog that I won't even dare make "public" -- and if you wanted, I would email you a link? Well, Ms. Corinne Hardcastle took the initiative and actually did. She emailed me as she read that blog for -- NO JOKE -- at least two hours and she was apparently laughing her head off at the ridiculous things I'd say... (hence why I refuse to make it public -- it's EMBARRASSING). She put together her favorite quotes from that blog and requested that I publish it on here. So... here we go. 

Infamous Quotes from Project Runaway (aka... Kendra's dating blog from 2009-2011)

-"I have been through about 4 boys since the last time we talked"

-“Well, sorry I'm boring. I have no life a.k.a. boys in my life right now.”

-“Once again, I'm blogging at 2 in the morning. This is so typical. But I mean, I had to "update" It since I'm no longer a brunette (thank goodness).”

-“GOT IT? Now listen to my life.”

-“BECAUSE I SHOULD BE SLEEPING AND I'M BLOGGING FOR YOU INSTEAD!”

-“Okay well I really really really should be sleeping right now. It's kind of ridic.”

-“Long story short --there is no long story. And that was really short.”

(LOVE THIS ONE!!!!)

-“HA! Hilar.”

-“I just made my playlist for myself to listen to on a separate tab when I'm facebook stalking.”

-"...and on my blog, the blog title HAS to match the rest of the blog or else it just throws everything off."

 -“(As mentioned in the post prior to this one - it's an irritable time of the month, so if you don't feel like reading about Kendra's life when she's PMS'ing, then just walk away right now. Kthanksbye.)”

-“YAY for pointless blog posts!”

-“You're obviously reading my blog because you want juice; why else would you come to Project Runaway?”

-“p.s. I love my blog stalkers :) You know the depths of my very soul, you know.”

Want a link now? HA! 

Just a little funny.

So I got a message last night from Mariah. "When can I expect a new blog post?!"

Now. Right NOW!

Funniest thing happened last night... Hannah, my roommate, got home and I was watching "The Bachelor: Sean Tells All" -- and she sits on the couch with a look on her face that just says: I HAVE STORIES FOR YOU!

So, naturally -- I shut my computer. And she says, "Oh no -- we can wait until it's over!" But then I was like, "The Bachelor can wait. Reality's on!"

HA! It was funny. The poor girl also asked about my addiction to hairspray this week. I had mentioned that I needed more toothpaste already (I just bought some two weeks ago...but I brush 4x/day) and then she asks, "Oh, and Kendra... How fast do you go through hairspray?!"

Then I felt kinda awkward... so I just laughed.

Anyway--

This past holiday weekend was ridiculous. Wait -- let's go back to Valentine's Day.

It was unexpectedly pretty good. Real good. It was one of those days where I woke up in a good mood -- that doesn't happen very often on Valentine's Day. But it happened this year, and I even wore red. Crazy, I know. That never happens.

This weekend was pretty relaxing. I was supposed to go to Rexburg...but didn't. I was convinced to stay in Provo. (Thanks Dad...) So, I got my nails done instead. #shellacattack

On Monday some friends and I went to a friend's house a little north of Provo in the Salt Lake area. So also funniest thing ever --

Everyone gives this friend a hard time for being a little... "better off" than the rest of us. Of course it's all in good fun -- but this story just makes it even funnier. On the way to his house, he mentioned that we were going to make homemade pizza. Well, one of the girls with us asked if she could invite her friend who lives nearby. How does he respond?

"Yeah, sure she can come. We have plenty of dough." 

Needless to say -- we all busted out laughing. Poor guy... he was talking about pizza dough.

The night was full of pizza and perspiration. Gross, right? Far from -- it was a sauna party and it was a blast.

DISCLAIMER: Okay so now -- I am going to bring up this "controversial" issue among Mormons. If you get upset about what I have to say, I really don't care that much.

So here's the story: While we were all getting out of the sauna and drying off, this one guy in the group mentions how he likes a Mormon girl who is good girl but will also wear a bikini.

NOW -- I have good Mormon girlfriends who wear bikinis all the time. I could care less that they wear a bikini! They're my friends and I love them. However, I will say this:

Growing up, Young Women's leaders DRILLED us girls with modesty talks. I was always told that we dressed modestly not only because it was an "obedience" thing, but for the young men to help them "honor their Priesthood." With that being said, nothing irritates me more than girls who flaunt themselves in a bikini around RM's -- some, of which, apparently prefer it and others who feel awkward and uncomfortable about it.

Do girls realize how prevalent pornography is and how truly difficult it is for guys to control their thoughts in the first place? And here they are... just making it harder for them. And then on top of it all -- you have guys like these who... nevermind. I'll just stop. I've made my point.

For those of you who I haven't offended and have chosen to keep reading...

Thanks for reading.

Okay one more story.

The other night our friend, Adam, was over.

Well, we had just gotten home and it was about 11:30 -- so, of course, I was getting ready for bed while they were out in the front room.  And when I say "getting ready for bed" -- like I was in PJ's and all -- TRULY ready to hop in my bed and go to sleep. With that being said, girls -- please take the hint.

I thought, "Since I'm in my pajamas, I won't be tempted to go out and talk to them. I'm just gonna go brush my teeth really quick... without anyone seeing me."

So... when I'm in the bathroom leaning over the sink brushing my teeth for the 4th or 5th time that day, I see Adam "hiding" in the hall. Oh, gosh. It was him trying to "scare" me. And let me tell you -- I got nervous. So I just pretended nothing was wrong and kept on brushing... hoping he'd just make his way to the bathroom and do his business without bothering me.

"So, Kendra... How was your Valentine's Day? Good date?"

[Mouth full of toothpaste & still leaning over the sink]

"Uh huh..."

"Does ________ ahsifjoashbfaifjoakofa ?" (Random, silly, silly question about my date.)

[Smiling with mouth full of toothpaste & still hiding...leaning over the sink]

"Uh huh..."

So then he KEEPS talking to me and basically drills me for "the story."

[Mouth STILL full of toothpaste & leaning over the sink]

"Adam, why don't you just go to the bathroom and we'll talk about this when you get out?"

So finally... he walks in the bathroom and shuts the door. Hannah then walks in and says, "Sorry -- I thought he was just going to use the bathroom!"

Smiling and slightly embarrassed, I respond -- "That's fine."

And then I mouth to Hannah...

"I'M BRA-LESS!"

So -- of course I take care of things just in time and end up telling Adam the rest of the story while we sat in our hallway.

BUT HONESTLY -- any girl knows that is the most uncomfortable, embarrassing and awkward feeling in the WORLD!

Needless to say, when Adam left...we had a good laugh.

Time does wonders.

So I got on Blogger today and decided... I think it's time I reminisce for a while.

So, naturally, I took a peek at my super old, ridiculous and embarrassing blog known as... Project Runaway.

It's embarrassing.

All I talk about is Skye (ex-boyfriend from 2010), dating, how "hard" school is, and getting married.

What an ignorant sophomore at BYU-Idaho.

Enough said.

If you want access to it, message me your email address and I'll send you an "invite" to read it. It's hilarious. If you read it -- you have to promise not to judge me. A lot has changed since then. A LOT. But my music taste has pretty much stayed the same... basically I love that playlist.

PS -- Check out these hits/stats vs. posts on Project Runaway vs. Pretty and Witty. Ridic! (I also never posted links to Project Runaway... so that may or may not have something to do with it.)

That awkward moment...

...when you realize you've been deleted.

Have you ever gone through facebook, seen someone in a photo, and clicked on their profile only to realize you were once friends on Facebook... and they've deleted you?

And then you're initial thoughts are as follows:

"Are you kidding me?! What'd I do to you?!"

Or...

"Wow, guess you didn't like me that much after all... Good because I didn't like you that much, either."

Or...

"It's because I update my status too much, isn't it?"

Knowing myself, it's probably the latter. HA!

But really. It makes you wonder. What'd you do?

In the last two days, I've realized two people who've "deleted" me. Quite frankly -- I don't know why the first one did. We were super good buddies last year... what happened? And then the second one -- a girl. She's married. Honestly it was probably my comment back in September about how much I wanted to delete all of my married and engaged friends HAHA!

COME ON! I had just called off my wedding and I was a bitter, hot MESS! You're really gonna take that personally?!

Anyway -- whether that was the reason or not, so be it. It is what it is. I delete people all the time. And sometimes, I just withhold accepting friend requests simply out of spite or dislike for the person.

But these two people... I can't help but wonder, why?

Anyway. Happy Sunday.

The beauty of teaching.

Today I had one of the coolest experiences of my college career.

But first, let me give you a little background knowledge.

My first semester of college (January-April 2010), I was overwhelmed at the thought of ever graduating college. The idea seemed forever away, and to be honest, I never thought I'd ever get there. Like the typical 18 year old Mormon girl, I assumed that I'd (hopefully) be married and have a kid by 22. (I see your widened eyes and dropped jaw, PS.) But it's the truth. Sure I "saw" the value of getting an education! MRS Degree, duh!

As time has passed, YEAH -- I've had hopes and dreams of getting married. Annnnd I had hopes and dreams of marrying Tyler. HOWEVER -- because I loved him. Not solely for the sake of getting married. On top of that, as the years passed I really did see the value of getting an education. But... it didn't [by ANY means] mean that I wanted to get an education or suddenly liked school.

In fact, I hate school.

Yeah, you'd never guess I graduated in the top 5% of my senior class. That's because I didn't. (I was in the top 6% ...wink;)

ANYWAY.

My point here is that college has been hard for me. First and foremost -- because I hate reading. And all college is... is reading. Also, I wanted to get married. And possibly sorta (if the circumstances permitted)... be a teacher someday.

Well, today I had an epiphany.

Today in my IP&T 213 class (Assessment & Instructional Design), an elementary school teacher from Provo came to speak. For our preparation homework, I had already watched three videos of her teaching her 6th grade class. From what I saw, she knew her stuff. She had her management techniques down, her lessons were clear and clean-cut, and she was explicitly and systematically direct in her lessons -- actively engaging the students in the learning process. To say the least, watching these videos made me feel very intimidated. Honestly I couldn't help but think, "How will I ever be as good as her?!"

Well, today when she came to our class to speak, she was phenomenal. As she gave us some helpful tips that she wished she had known prior to her career, the Spirit was so strong. As she spoke about setting high expectations for her students and building positive and loving relationships with them, it HIT me. She started talking about how they might not have the best home life -- how you will encounter students who tell you stories that you'll have to report to CPS (Child Protective Services). Suddenly I just realized... This is why I am going to be a teacher. It's not just about teaching students how to read, multiply & divide, and conduct science experiments. It's about loving them as children of God and being there for them when no one else is. She proceeded to tell us how she starts every work day with a prayer in her heart that she will know how to reach each and every student -- those lower-achievers, higher-achievers and those who need her love just because.

No joke -- I started crying during her presentation. It was so powerful.

Of course college is hard and, quite frankly, it sometimes just plain sucks -- but one day, it will be worth it!

For real this time.

Alright, alright. I know I've made a post like this one before, but I really mean it this time.

I think we ladies can agree that nothing is crazier or more cynical than a hurt or heartbroken woman. With that being said I apologize for my snarky remarks lately... You know, the ones about anything and everything. For instance, last night's post that is now edited. I know that I didn't say anything terribly offensive, but I woke up this morning feeling like I should keep those subtle, cutting comments to myself. It's one thing to be honest, but it's quite another to be rude. I also want to apologize for anonymously calling anyone out ever on my blog. Granted, you don't necessarily know if it was you or your friend being called out -- or even anyone you know at all. But, regardless if it was you or someone you know, my point here is that I am going to be a little nicer from now on. After all... Be pretty. Be witty. Be gracious if it kills you. (Sometimes it really does kill me -- but I will do what I need to do in order to keep my dignity in tact.) 

Thank you for reading. It's homework time.

Just a few thoughts.

I just have a few things on my mind. Some good, some slightly blunt. But... that's just how it is, so you're just gonna have to roll with it.

The pronunciation of Tempe is "temp-E." Not "Temp-ay." We Arizonans know how it's done.

I really need to go running. It's been a whole two days, but I ate a lot this weekend. A lot.

I have a blind date on Tuesday. #3. #yolo.

I really hate emptying the dishwasher. I feel bad for my roommates... because I never empty it.

Tomorrow is not going to be fun. I was up until 3am last night/this morning... and drowsiness doesn't catch up to you 'til 2 days later. Monday is definitely going to feel like "Monday" this week.

So I picked all the M&M's out of my trail mix... So naturally I had to buy more to put in it. #peanutbutteralltheway #ieatitconstantlynow

I swear the only hairstyle that stylists know how to do here in Provo is the "hipster" cut.

Exhibit A:

AKA... the Jef Holm haircut.

I swear, it's the only style you see on campus.

Anyway, I have to go to bed.