Falling slowly.

Hi.

So... As exciting as it truly is, I refrain to blog about my dating life on this blog. (That's what my other blog was about and that's why it was so embarrassing to post links to. Because it was personal!) But -- I have some frustrations to let out.

Here's the thing. I date. A lot. Like...I think there's only been 2 weekends where I haven't had a date since I've been in Provo. And if I don't have a date on the weekend, I usually do during the week sometime. (Wow this is sounding super arrogant.) But that's background info that is crucial to what I'm about to tell you.

Well, since January, I've had a couple people that I'm legitimately interested in. But here's the thing... 

I'm not ready for any kind of relationship.

AT. ALL.

And I can't decide if that's because I really LIKE being single and dating like crazy or... if it's because I'm scared and just not ready to take on a relationship again regardless of who the guy is. Really though -- it's probably both reasons.

I'm a really indecisive person to begin with and then just adding the word "relationship" into it all freaks me out.

But then what do I do when I really like someone? I suddenly think I want the relationship! But then I slap myself in the face and say, "You've been on a total of 10 dates/hang out sessions with him! You don't know him well enough to be in a relationship with him!" Either that or I picture my mom/sisters yelling that in my face. 

-- OR -- 

I will pull the "Plus, what about _______?" card. In other words, the "Better than" card.

Honestly though. Put yourself in my shoes. How could I not play that card? I think I finally take the idea of commitment to the whole new level of seriousness now. 

Can you blame me?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He really set the standard when it comes to friendship and personality. If I'm not absolutely crazy about someone or I don't see it in the future for whatever reason under given circumstances, WHY COMMIT?

But then part of me thinks... But I really like this one!

And then I think... But he's really great, too!

And that's dating.

It's so confusing.

Yet so fun.

But frustrating.

#datingmachine #commitaphobe #stressedoutsally