picture this.

Today I went to the gym. Usually when I go to the gym, I'll run for about 20 minutes then hit the spinning bikes for 10-15 minutes. Typically when I go into the spinning room, there are about, oh I don't know, 20-25 empty bikes and me facing a big wall that is, essentially, one giant mirror. Well, today I went in there and there were three other people. One lady was off to the side, one man up in the front of the room and one man in the back who -- NO JOKE -- smelt like pickles.

I casually maneuver myself to the front of the room, one bike away from the other man in the front. Behind me is the pickle man... rocking out to the drums. No joke. I've never heard air-drums beat so loud before. Ever.

Well, anyone who knows what it's like doing cardiovascular exercise for a long period of time knows that music is a STAPLE. So, naturally I turn on my iPod and start my warm up. Things are going great, but I don't feel like I'm pushing myself hard enough. So, after spinning for about 7 minutes, I decide it's time to get into gear and start a harder workout. I crank up the gear on the bike and stand up. A song that I used to absolutely hate comes on... Payphone. Except, it's the cover by Megan Nicole and Dave Days.

And then the drummer behind me starts going CRAZY.

Suddenly I felt like I was in a music video. I was the singer and he was the drummer behind me. Although it would've been more epic if it was a T.Swift song, it was still legit.

And the best workout of my life.

Oh, then when I got off to clean my bike, he gets off his and asks... Are you Mormon?! 

"Yeah, I am."

"ME TOO!"

Must have been the BYU-I workout t-shirt. Made my day.

To conclude to this post, I found this on my newsfeed 3x today. Three people shared it, so it's gotta be worth taking the time to watch it, right?

sometimes you just need a good laugh.

So funniest quotes in the last week...

Girl at work: "Some of Taylor Swift's new songs on her album are really depressing... I can only imagine how they make YOU feel!"

Danica (panting): "Either I have gotta stop eating cookies or running up the stairs because I can't do both."

Danica: "Amanda, what am I going to do with my life?"
Amanda: "I don't know, but Kendra hates her life."

Funniest dream as of lately...

I accidentally side-swiped a guy's car and knocked off his side-view mirror. I was sent to prison and in my prison cell, there was a corridor of gas chambers. To say the least, I woke up thankful that it was just a dream.

Funniest work story as of lately...

This cute, little old Asian lady who didn't speak a lick of English came into the store. She picked up a ton of clearance items marked $4.99, $7.49, $5.99 -- basically stuff that was dirt cheap. Well, the same day we had a promotion going on where there was 25% OFF STOREWIDE. So, as this lady was watching the prices go down on the screen in front of her, she would look at me confused and wave her hand, "No, no." So I would toss each item behind me, one by one. Then I realized... she thought the prices were going UP! Not down! It was so funny and so cute at the same time. She ended up calling her daughter who spoke English. I explained the situation to her daughter and then she translated to her mother -- the prices were ringing up LOWER, not higher. Me and the little old Asian lady laughed together and she ended up buying all the clothes after all. It was the cutest.

I would tell you more funny stories, but I don't want to embarrass any of my 9 year old family members without their consent. You'll just have to come spend an evening in the Buckhannon household one of these days.

Let me tell ya -- if we had cameras in our house, we'd be rich & famous because we are... hilarious.

Let's just say... it isn't rare to suddenly hear Weston out of nowhere belt out...

" ♪ ♫ I heard... that you've... settled down... That you found a girl, and you're... married nowwww... ♪ ♫"

...all the way from downstairs.

Seriously every day of my life.

Oh, and you'd probably hear a lot of this girl singing from my bedroom. No, not Stephanie.

Time won't fly. It's like I'm paralyzed by it.

I feel like I'm finally my old self again, no longer a need to try and find it. Yet...

Lately I've felt nothing. And if I've felt anything, it's been very little. I blame it on my own actions completely. I want to feel something...maybe some change of heart and a more heartfelt desire to love and feel remorse for hurting someone so badly, but I just don't. Yet, I do all at the same time. I hate how I choose to get offended so easily... how easily I get upset and my top just blows. I also hate how I feel like I don't have anyone to turn to anymore. My best friend has turned into my enemy. I'm surrounded by people who I love and people who love me, but I can honestly say that I haven't ever felt so alone in my entire life. Having a companion and expecting them to be your eternal companion and then one day... they just fall off a cliff. And knowing YOU were the one to "push" them off that cliff... it hurts. And to think this is all for the best hurts even more.

Up and down, up and down. I help heal him, then I hurt him. Over and over again. I'm the epitome of the crazy ex   [fill in the blank]  . I contact him, then I ignore him. I cry to him, then I yell at him. I comfort him, then I take a dagger to his very soul.

I call him to tell him how much I miss him... then I call him up again just to break him like a promise, so casually and cruel in the name of bein' honest.

We didn't get lost in translation, and he didn't ask for too much. But yes, this thing was a masterpiece 'til I tore it all up.

And I feel awful.

CORRECTION.

In my most recent post, I said this.

When I got home from church, I walked inside and (naturally) opened the pantry. My 15 year old brother (whom I hadn't seen in four days) comes up behind me and gives me a hug. Then immediately I throw his arms off me and tell him to go away. 

For some reason I was so turned off. 

After he walks away, my mom looks at me and says, "Kendra, he was just trying to give you a hug... Back to your old self again, huh?"

(OLD joke in the family, before Tyler -- "Kendra hates being touched. She'll never be able to handle being married.")

And, no. It's not that I hate being touched. I just hate being touched in any affectionate way (brother-like or NOT) by someone bigger than me who isn't a significant other. It's just weird to me unless I'm the one to initiate it.

I didn't mean that. That last paragraph was wrong. And it probably came across wrong. 

What I meant was -- I don't mind being touched. I like hugs. I'm huggable. Anyone (friends, family, etc.) can hug me and I'm completely fine with it. Seriously. BUT -- Mathew will just touch me or come up behind me to scare me as an utter and complete JOKE. And that's what I thought he was doing. He'll just be silly and creepy just for fun because he's my little brother. And a complete dork that walks around the house half-naked 90% of the time.

Half-naked, meaning... shirtless. 

He's weird. And half-naked more than half the time. 

But I love him.

Anyway, so that's what my family means when they say, "Kendra hates being touched."

...and then BAM.

Ah at last Sunday is finally here and I can sit, relax, and just breathe.

It's been so busy lately. Hence... why I haven't written in a while and nor have I taken the time (or been bored out of my mind) to waste away my thoughts all over your Facebook newsfeed. Work, a little more work, working out, mission clothes shopping (great sales!), the stomach flu, some new friends, and some more work have taken over my life lately. As exhausting as it all is, it makes me happy and -- for the record, keeps me sane. 

As I just mentioned, new friends have come into my life lately and I've been ever so grateful. One in particular who I met through other mutual friends has really reached out and gotten to know me, and, essentially has gotten me out of my hole that I've been hiding in for the last three months. It was difficult for me at first...one, to climb out of my hole and two, to hang out with a guy again -- even knowing it was "just" as friends. I put quotations around the word just because I don't want to downplay the word friends. Over the past few years away at school in particular has shown me how much I value my friendships with other people outside of my own family because those friends I've made have, in a sense, become family to me.

Anyway, this new friend opened me up and even introduced me to new people. Although it was just for a night, it did wonders for me. It taught me that my life and my world isn't over and that just because I'm going through heart-wrenching trial, it doesn't mean that I can't have friends or make new ones during it all. In fact, new people and new friends in my life are what's going to make it easier and make me stronger. I can still have a life. I can have a social life. And "Life" isn't over! 

However, I also came to another realization through this "new friends" thing. Last night I discovered that the new people I met and I had a bajillion mutual friends. In fact, so many mutual friends that I was shocked that I hadn't met any of these people before. But -- it also hit me that those mutual friends we shared were a lot of my very best friends from high school and... that we've all moved on with our lives and made other friends... new friends that have pretty much replaced our old ones. Think about it. Is the person you call up to hang out on Friday night the same person you called four years ago? For some, it is. For most, it's not. It hurt a little bit to realize this. Interesting, huh?

So today I took a step and did something crazy. 

I went to the singles ward.

And it was weird.

(Isn't it always? There are always more odd balls than normal people ha! Kidding. Sorta.)

But it was a big step for me. At first it was really enjoyable and it continued to be so until it was coming to an end. And for some odd reason out of the blue, I found myself getting upset on the way home. I was sitting there driving and, for some reason, just beginning to start fuming. And, the girl I am... I just blamed it on being a girl.

When I got home from church, I walked inside and (naturally) opened the pantry. My 15 year old brother (whom I hadn't seen in four days) comes up behind me and gives me a hug. Then immediately I throw his arms off me and tell him to go away. 

For some reason I was so turned off. 

After he walks away, my mom looks at me and says, "Kendra, he was just trying to give you a hug... Back to your old self again, huh?"

(OLD joke in the family, before Tyler -- "Kendra hates being touched. She'll never be able to handle being married.")

And, no. It's not that I hate being touched. I just hate being touched in any affectionate way (brother-like or NOT) by someone bigger than me who isn't a significant other. It's just weird to me unless I'm the one to initiate it.

...and then BAM.

After leaning over the freezer (to obviously continue searching for food), I lift up my head... and tears just start flowing down my face.

Ladies and gentlemen...

The Sunday Blues.

Sundays are killer. And they hit me over the head out of nowhere today. The first day I don't have a million things to do... and my mind is blank with nothing to do and only one thing to think about. 

My life. My trials. Myself.

I would end here... but I must say one more thing. I know that there is only one way to get over the "Sunday Blues" and to get over myself and that's the Lord. He's here, I know He is. He loves me. And that's why I'm going through this... so I can grow. I have a testimony of Christ. He lives. I hate this and I hate how hard it is. But I know there's only one reason it's gotten easier and that reason is Jesus Christ. As I serve him and prepare to serve Him on a mission, He will enable me to overcome any trial and any heartbreak that comes my way.

Thanks for listening today.

p.s. introducing my "I'm-sad-but everything's-gonna-be-okay" with a lazy eye kind of look.

I'll probably go get some frozen yogurt after this one.

No, but really.

I've had a couple people email me and ask... "Kendra, I've noticed you've gotten pretty skinny lately. What's your secret?" Well, it's not a race and it takes time to do it the healthy way, but losing that extra 5lb. is easier than you think. So I guess I can just blog about it.

So I must say... I love talking about and reading about exercise, diet and nutrition. Yet, I'm awful at it 90% of the time! I just like reading cool facts and getting tips online at WebMD and other health websites. It fascinates me how the body works!

First and foremost when it comes to exercise... I do it everyday. I am a "runner" but not a runner-runner. Does that make sense? 2 miles on the treadmill and then I am DONE. (Well, except for the days when I run outside. I like going at least 3 miles when I'm not on a treadmill because somehow being outside builds my endurance. If I've learned anything -- it's all in your head!) When it comes to weight training and circuit training -- I can go about 20 minutes and then I'm bored out of my mind. And then spinning/cycling... I LOVE it. I eat up the classes! Then, when I don't go to a class I'll go for about 20-25 minutes on my own. Then I get bored. So, all in all, I try to go about an hour per day... 30-40 min. of cardiovascular exercise and then 15-20 min. of weight/circuit training. I just love it. It does so many good things for me.

Like I mentioned earlier, I love WebMD and all their slideshows about "How to..." "10 things that..." and that kinda stuff. Today I wanted to share some of the things I've learned over the past couple times I've visited the site.

WATER

is. so. IMPORTANT.

It can do so many things for you. Not only does it boost your metabolism (your body's FAT BURNING system), but it gives you more energy. It does wonders for your skin (especially dry skin) and also curbs cravings. It keeps your mind away from mindless snacking and even regulates your digestion! Water is so awesome. TIP: Carry a re-usable water bottle around with you everywhere you go. Even just around the house. I started this about 6 months ago and drinking bottles up on bottles of water has become a normal part of my day. I know that for me drinking water out of a cup is so inconvenient. You have to 1. refill it and 2. make sure it won't spill. Not only that, but taking a sip of water requires tipping a cup into your mouth! (Such hard work, right? HA!) but when I have a straw or something to just put in my mouth -- I drink a ton more! It's like when I have a Jamba or a shake in my hand... it's constantly in my mouth until it's gone! Water bottles with a sipping device = purely awesome. Drink it with every meal! (It's cheaper and makes you feel better than soda...ick)

DISCLAIMER: Just watch out for unexpected potty breaks & don't drink a ton before work. You might reach your bathroom break quota faster than ya think ;) (May or may not be speaking from personal experience.) OH, one more thing. If you choose to drink ice cold water, have a sweater handy. It definitely lowers your body temperature and it gets kinda chilly!

EXERCISE

Like I said, I love exercise. If you're like me, it's not always the most exciting thing to get up and do right when you wake up -- nor do you like having to get up extra early to do it. But I've found this to be true: I never regret it. That's why I love it and that's why I do it. As ironic as it seems when you're yawning as you put on your running shoes... it WAKES YOU UP. And gives you energy! Never thought using energy would boost your energy did ya? Well, it's true. And something else you have to remember is that doing something is better than nothing. You can't beat yourself up for only running 1 mile when you had originally planned to run 2! If you don't have a full hour to spare, do something for 30 minutes. If you can only stay for 1/2 the spinning class, STILL GO! Seriously it's so worth it in the end. And like I said, you won't regret it.

Don't have a gym membership? Don't sweat it. Just dust off that old bike you used before you had keys in your purse and pump up the tires. It's the fall -- nicest time of year and it's the PERFECT season to ride a bike (that is, unless you live in Idaho...or Utah?). Or, just get out and take a walk with a friend. Be active and, essentially, move your body! Sitting around on Facebook and Blogger doesn't burn calories (hence... why I told you I'm not really good at this stuff. I just like talking about it HA!). Anyway -- just do something. Not nothing.

FLAT ABS

They start in the kitchen. Not the floor. Enough said. (Thank you Kody Klein. You posted that on your status update one time and I've never forgotten it ;)

Lastly...

FOOD CRAVINGS THAT RUIN YOUR DIET

(Thank you WebMD for saving... or explaining my life.)

• Ice cream (Does fro-yo count? Snap...)
• Chocolate (Oh this one gets me. BIG TIME.)
• Pizza (Monday night 1/2 at Sardella's... our family eats it every week GAH!)
• Simple carbs (Yep, those rolls at Thanksgiving and the cake I had last week for my sister's birthday... ouch.)
• Red Meat (Tacos aren't as healthy as everyone thinks. A little tomato and lettuce can make anything look somewhat healthy.)
• Pasta (Stopped eating this one after freshman year of college. Enough said.)
• Fast food (OKAY THIS IS HUGE. This rant TBC.)
• 3:00 Snack Attack (Is it just me or does everyone else want to eat every processed food imaginable at around 3:00?! Maybe it was the "after school snack" that got us into this nasty habit while we were all kids!)
• The Bad Day Binge (We've alllll done it! Don't give in! It makes you feel worse than you felt before. Seriously!)

Other Tips that I've Found Helpful

Okay, I'm a fast eater. I have no idea why... but I've been a fast eater for as long as I can remember. Well, folks, I learned why. Since I love my food steaming hot, I eat it as fast as I can before it goes cold! The best tip I've ever taken -- slow down and chew your food. It makes you full faster and you can actually enjoy it! TIP: Clear your palette before putting more in. In other words, chew and swallow. THEN take another bite. (If your food gets cold, that's what a microwave is for. Side note -- I'm notorious for heating up my food at least twice during a meal HA!)

Get a smaller plate. You'll fill it with less food and avoid overeating. It's true!

Fail to plan, then plan to fail. If you know you're going out to dinner, think before you order. Think before you eat a cow! Eat half and save the rest for later. Plus, left-overs are the best! Also, if you know you're going to a party where food will be offered, talk more than you snack. You won't feel guilty when you go home -- you'll feel rather edified from conversation you made with your friends instead of like a pig for eating 6 different kinds of cookies in a corner.

OH YEAH... Fast Food.

So I grew up eating it. Didn't we all? Sports, mutual, piano, etc... make our lives hectic as kids so what do mom and dad plop in front of us? A 6-piece chicken McNugget meal. But you know what... I'm a grown up now. I realized that I don't have to eat fast food, even if "it's what's for dinner." I'm sure mom and dad will understand if you reach for the left-over turkey in the fridge.

Plus, think about how you feel every time after you eat fast food? For me, LIKE POO! My chest hearts, and suddenly I feel (and look) like I'm carrying triplets. And it costs MONEY! 

Don't get me wrong, I eat it sometimes. (But only SOMETIMES. Heck, I love me some In-n-Out.)

In the end...For some, this is a hard habit to get rid of. For me, it's a no brainer. 

As I finish this post, I'm eating left-over Thanksgiving food. We did our little shindig last night so I'm eating stuffing early this year. On a smaller plate and taking littler, slower bites... and it's now cold. Time for the microwave.

Hope this was helpful and wasn't just me ranting about eating healthy. Again, I'm not perfect. But I strive to be good and that's all that matters.

Goodbye Arrowhead, Hello Tanger!

Okay so I didn't even hear about the Outlets until I was running at the gym and saw the Fox 10 News team broadcasting about it on opening day. Since working as a sales associate, I've secretly snickered at all the fools who spend their money on clothes they don't need, hair accessories they'll never wear and shoes that only match with one outfit in their closets... And then I found myself waiting in a long line at H&M just to buy a scarf that I couldn't get my mind off of.

Tanger, welcome to my life.

Sales were EVERYWHERE! Gap had sweaters on sale for $15! Not to mention the 40% of clearance at American Eagle and the BOGO deals at Rue 21! I WENT CRAZY! Usually when I buy clothes (which, I do it quite often), I'll only buy 1 or 2 pieces at a time... no more than that. I spend money, but I usually can't bring myself to spend more than $30 in one shopping trip. (My family reading this probably doesn't believe me, but it's true.)

So... wanna see what I bought? Of course you do.

So, originally at H&M I had two button-up knit-tops in my hand for $20/ea. Then I walked by THIS! This picture doesn't do it justice. It's more of a pink than a red as you see in the picture... but it's simple. SO "me" and I fell in love. I put down the knit tops and bought this for $19.99. Score.

Then, I walk into American Eagle -- not expecting really to buy ANYTHING. That is, until they told me their clearance was an ADDITIONAL 40% off. Umm score. Naturally, I walk right over to the sale jeans. I scored these for $15! That is the cheapest I've ever gotten AE jeans. Honestly, I haven't shopped at American Eagle since high school -- BUT I do get my jeans there. And nowhere else. 

#OHMYGOSH. First Rue 21 on the West side of AZ! I got SO excited! And I found this shirt and fell in LOVELOVELOVE. And bought it.

Okay funniest story. I was in line at H&M to buy that pink hoodie and saw this in the little accessory bins on the way to the register... I looked at. Then picked it up. Then put it down. Then picked it up again. I took it to the register and told the girl, "I don't want this. Actually, yes I do. Wait -- no... I don't." Then I bought the only the hoodie. And then said, "You know what, I want the scarf." I even swiped my card. And then I was like, "No, no I shouldn't!" And left the store without it. I walked out of the store, went to American Eagle, yadda yadda. Then I couldn't stop thinking about this stinking scarf! I almost felt guilty for not buying it! (Usually that has the opposite effect, right?!) 

Then I searched for H&M. 

And bought the scarf.

Got Tanger?

p.s. look at my new hair!

BEFORE

EWWW!

AFTER

Check out those ENDS!

Workin' Out

I love working out. Seriously the best release ever! (Did I not mention that in my post earlier? Oh wait, yes I did. Working out is what I do on days like this. #toldya)

Ok! Holidays are coming up and I am SOOOO going to make peppermint bark this year! Our family's "Thanksgiving" is this Sunday and I am tempted to make it then... Who wants to wait til Christmas for peppermint bark? PFFFT not me!

Oh yes -- speaking of food. My grandma brought over like a MILLION blackberries last night and holy macaroni! I LOVE blackberries. New favorite fruit. I had never had them before yesterday -- crazy huh?

Also today I decided... Instagram is cool. It's like a secret place where you can post all the pictures you're too afraid to post on Facebook. #kendracecilia

Next item of business -- I need to go on a blind date. Like a REALLY BLIND date. With a really hot boy (I'd say "man" but that just sounds...creepy in a way) -- anyway, someone really cute who knows nothing about me, nothing about the past 3 months or even 11 months for that matter. Annnnd he has to be super manly, tall, nice smile.:. You get it. I just need an excuse to get dolled up and feel better about myself for just a few hours if ya catch my drift.

So...if ya know anyone. HA.

Ya know what? As much as I want to change things sometimes, I decided that this ship has once and for all SAILED and, quite frankly, it doesn't quite know where it's sailin' to... But it's gone.

I need the next few weeks to fly by. And I need my call to get here. Like ASAP.

Moments

Sometimes I just have these moments where I feel so numb and so guarded that I just want to crawl in a hole and die... and yet... scream at the top of my lungs and take out all of my anger at the world ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

So I cry.

And then I eat a piece of chocolate. And sometimes... I even feel better.

But, then again, sometimes not.

There are times like these when I am tempted to ask God to answer a few of my questions, maybe to even explain a few things to me... But then, instead, I end up giving Him the cold shoulder because I'm bitter and assume that he won't answer my questions even if I do ask because, after all, I've felt like He's ignored my questions the last two months anyway.

And then I just eat some more chocolate. 

Then cry a little more until I fall asleep.

Then, when I wake up in the morning, I realize... I am so stupid. 

After realizing how stupid I am, I'll get up and work out just to forget about it all.

...for a while. 

And then two weeks later it happens all over again.

This is what I call a "thunderstorm."

I'm almost to the "cry a little more" part. Then again, maybe I'm just reaching the "until I fall asleep part." 

Oh yeah, I forgot the "Call Tyler and vent and cry" part. That only happens once in a while.

Not tonight.

P.S. I'm convinced there are girls out there who passively aggressively do things just because they like being hated. 

Seriously.

;)

I bought this.

So everyday I walk through Dick's sporting goods and just drool over their Underarmour and Nike hoodies... I LOVE them! So I've been on this hoodie "craze" lately. I've looked everywhere online for a cheaper, cute hoodie because 1. I will only wear it this upcoming winter & not on my mission (well, afterwards too but you get it) and 2. I refuse to pay $55.00 for a hoodie. Cheapskate? Sure, whatever you wanna call it.

So I've been searching online and I FINALLY found a cute one! It's a Billabong hoodie & it's coming in the mail soon. I'm so excited about it. My two favorite colors... gray & teal/mint!

Now I get to wait for this... and my mission call! WOOT!

It's a nanny kind of thing.

So this weekend I'm playing "big sister" again for a family friend of ours. I just thought I'd share a little bit of the excitement with you.

 BUT FIRST. My mission papers are delayed because I'M AN IDIOT. So here's the thing -- when you fill out your mission papers, you basically tell them a full medical history, right? Well, I thought they meant every NITTY GRITTY thing! So, I told them how I dropped 20lb. in a month in 2009 when I was heartbroken over a stupid BOY! I ate only (if not less) than 300 cal/day and could have been considered "anorexic" but wasn't. So, the mission office called my stake president and told him that they want me to be screened by LDS services before they make the call. OKAY PEOPLE. This STINKS because now everything is delayed at least another week. I need to be screened so that they know I'm perfectly healthy and not an Anorexic Annie!

So anyway. Our day went as follows...

FIRST. I parallel parked this sucker! One of the boys I babysit always used to make fun of me because I couldn't parallel park at the soccer games last time. Well, folks. Here ya have it.

I DID IT! (Ahem, middle car.)

And then we made... MARBLE CUPCAKES! (Thanks, Pinterest!)

AND THEN... Toy Story clouds!

See? Ain't I just the best weekend nanny you ever did see?

And then we went to the mall! To see Santa, of course. The girls were so excited... HA! Just kidding, it was just a fun little "extra" thing we did at the mall... I made them sit on his lap. (So mean, huh?)

Oh, and in case you didn't know...




And then... I couldn't resist. Sweet deals -- I was so excited. Fragrances (other than fro-yo) are my WEAKNESS. I love them.

Last thing -- although she sometimes deserves to be on the "naughty list," I love this one the most ;)

"...She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things."

Oh Taylor, Taylor, TAYLOR! She is just ...hilarious.

Okay so well honestly I don't have much to blog about other than the fact my glasses came in, and my mission call should be in next week. Woot! But really, that's it.

Alright. Time for a laugh.

Confession Session

1. I work out every day. I love my fruits and veggies. Yet the sight of chocolate (or worse, frozen yogurt) ruins me. Tears me down, shreds me to PIECES! I eat frozen yogurt [at least] once a week. Curvy & flirty, baby.

2. I'm pro at multi-tasking. For instance... the "pedal to the metal" and looking for cops thing? Never gotten a ticket. One time I almost hit 70 in a 50mph on Lake Pleasant Parkway. (Okay it was 11:50p.m. and I had to make it home for curfew... No, it was not while I was at BYU-Idaho!)

3. I'm an awful big sister. I make Mathew sit in the back seat [with the windows down] whenever I pick him up from football practice and then I breathe out through the driver's window... Teenage boys after football = STINKAGE. (Love you, Matt. He really is a great kid, I promise.)

4. One time I tripped while I was running on a treadmill. At the gym. It was embarrassing. Oh, and once when I was walking up to bear my testimony... in a student single's ward. Also very embarrassing. I think this was karma for laughing at [insert name here] when she fell in the mud upon her first day of arriving back at school from her trip to Hawaii in 8th grade. I was mean, I know.

5. There have been multiple instances where I've exclaimed, "HEY LOOK!" and stolen a bit of my sister's food from her very own plate. (Why are all these posts about food? Oh, it's after 8. That's why.)

6. [Okay, here's a funny one.] Ever since I was like 9, we we've gone to Carlsbad, CA every year for vacation. Well, a 9 year old is used to peeing in the ocean, right? Well... one night I was sleeping on my mom & dad's floor in the condo we used to rent annually & had a dream I was in the ocean... and definitely "wet the bed." I woke up SO embarrassed! Luckily -- mom understood and helped me get some new sheets. (Danica, no more stories. We're stopping there.)

7. I have a crush on that really sexy old man from Raising Helen. He's also the dad in Ramona & Beezus. This one. Remember him? AKA... "Pastor Dan"

8. I took Amanda to see The Hannah Montana Movie for her 6th Birthday. You think she paid attention? HA! We went for ME! I was 18.

9. When I'm bored during church, I look at all of the people sitting in front of me and look at all the hairstyles/hair-do's (Some are really cute!)

10. If I was 15, I know exactly who I would have a crush on.

It all makes sense now.

Tonight I have so much to say and not enough time to say it. I work in less than 7 hours. This isn't good.

First and foremost, I am relieved. I am relieved that the election is over. I don't care who our president is because honestly... knowing the times we live in, I can only expect the worst. There is only one president I whole-heartedly sustain and that's the living prophet who speaks to God and then, in turn, speaks to us. I thank the Lord for President Monson.

Next -- I am so grateful for my life. I have been such a grouch lately. Lately, as in, the last 2.5 months. I have had so many questions unanswered and so many frustrations with plans falling through... yet so many plans have been made for the future that I couldn't be more ecstatic about.

Throughout this experience, I have often wondered, "What in the world went wrong? Why did I suddenly feel sick one day about the thought of marrying him? What would have gone wrong in our marriage -- what stopped me?" Well, instead of dwelling on the WRONG, I've finally realized and come to grips with what is right.

And now, finally... I know for a FACT that God's hand has been in this experience from Day 1. "Day 1" meaning practically the day I met Tyler... January 1, 2012 to September 1, 2012... our "wedding" day. As I've pressed forward with faith (easier said than done, I must say), I've come to the knowledge that Tyler was put in my life to help me grow. He taught me how to love people whole-heartedly and unconditionally. Being the most patient person I know, he taught me patience. He taught me how to let go of negative emotions gracefully... negative emotions that once so easily bottled up inside of me until they EXPLODED. He taught me so much and has ultimately prepared me for the person that I will one day eventually marry. In turn, I know that I also taught him things and helped him progress in ways that he may have never done without me. To summarize... although we weren't meant to be together forever, we were put in each others' lives for a reason and I will forever be grateful for him and all he has done for me and my future.

Some have said to me... "So, I noticed you and Tyler are 'friends' again? How is that?" This has been my response word for word:

"You know.. it was really hard at first. But this last week I realized I'm miserable without even his friendship. Feeling like he died is what hurt me the most. We are friends and we talk everyday. He is completely supportive of the mission and is there to hear me sob when I'm having a hard time. He's the only one who truly understands it all (obviously). He has his hard days when I have my "easy" days and vice versa -- the irony. Like I mentioned on my blog, I read my patriarchal blessing and it says that I made promises before this life. Part of me feels like Tyler was included in that part... I feel like we both knew we'd be a part of each other's lives. Just not forever. I strongly feel we were here to help each other grow and progress and to help prepare each other for the people we ARE supposed to be with the rest of our lives -- if nothing else. He is a strength and support to me and will always remain very, very close in my heart. Do I miss him and love him and want him? Yes. Do I think it's meant to be? No. Could it be in the future? I won't know until the future, but until then I'm not going to count on it. I just have to live by faith and hope for the best -- whether he is in my future or not."

We've helped each other more than anyone else could have throughout this whole entire (miserable yet so life-altering) experience. I couldn't have made it this far without him, nor do I think he could have made it this far without me. He's answered every phone call where I've only called to sob and to complain and even to yell at him... and yet he's still been there for me. I've come to realize that we've strengthened each other and made the "best" out of this experience with each other as much as we could.

So there you have it.

One last thought about finding "the one" you're supposed to be with... At the beginning of all this I thought, "How in the world will I ever find someone as patient, fun, and loving as him? Well, folks. When we are in love for 2 weeks, 3 months, 4 years, etc... it's so easy to have our blinders on. We think that NO ONE will ever make us as happy as that one person. But, I've learned in the past few months that I just have to TRUST that I will find someone who will be as patient, fun and loving -- and maybe even more so who compliments me even better than I thought Tyler ever could. God knows and God will. He won't leave us in the dust. I promise.

Yesterday I picked up a book (shocker, right? HA!) called No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew. I fell in love with her simple yet so eloquent words about trials and adversity. Please, read on...

"Of course our faith will be tried. OF course we will have tests of our will, of our endurance, of our desires, and of our determination and conviction. Lorenzo Snow said: 'The Lord...will try us until HE knows what He can do with us. He tried His Son Jesus. Thousands of years before he came upon the earth the Father had watched His course and knew that He could depend on Him when the salvation of worlds should be at stake... He will continue to try us. In order that He may place us in the highest positions in life and put upon us the most sacred responsibilities.' 

It is in moments of disappointment, heartache, and loneliness that we often make the decisions that forge our faith, mold our character, and fortify our convictions about the only source of strength and solace that satisfies. And that is Jesus Christ... How do we know if we can bear up under challenge and trial unless we have challenge and trial? And how can we expect to feel and taste the pure sweetness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, meaning specifically the power and peace of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, unless there are times in our lives when we desperately need and seek that peace and power?"

AND GET THIS... she continues:

"No wonder Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that 'though we have rightly applauded our ancestors for their spiritual achievement...those of us who prevail today will have done no small thing. The special spirits who have been reserved to live in this time of challenges and who overcome [those challenges] will one day be praised for their stamina by those who pulled handcarts' (Notwithstanding My Weakness, 18)."

Um can someone say WOW!!! I sure did.

After reading that, I have only felt more invigorated during this time of adversity and trial. I am being PREPARED for my future -- for my future self AND family. I must prove to my God that I am strong enough, worthy enough and READY enough to fulfill the responsibilities that He will one day call upon me. I am being prepared for motherhood... something that I believe to be the greatest responsibility I will ever have. These experiences, trials and serving a mission will only strengthen me and forge me INTO that mother I will one day become.

With that being said... how could I ever deny my children and husband of those blessings that come from serving a mission? I know that serving a mission will not only bring blessings, but spiritual power and strength to my marriage and family that wouldn't be possible without serving a mission. I feel like I owe it to my Heavenly Father and even my husband & children! If I have the opportunity, WHY NOT GO?!

I could be wrong, but I am convinced that husbands and/or wives that serve missions don't even realize the blessings that come simply BECAUSE they chose to serve. Who knows if that extra cash or even that saved marriage came because one or the other spouse chose to serve a mission?

NOW -- do I think families are denied blessings if neither spouse served a mission? NO. I see families (general authorities INCLUDED) who are immensely blessed and so strong even if neither spouse served! I am simply saying... I can only imagine how much I personally can bless my family through missionary service.

Last thought: Being a missionary is going to be a BLAST. I love, love, love talking to people and I love even MORE telling people about what I believe! It may not be "cake," but I'm sure it will be enjoyable.

Thanks for listening.

YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

Okay so to be 100% completely honest... I voted. And that's it. I'm not super...

 "OH MY GOSH! I'M SO ANGRY RAAAAAAWRRRRR!" about the election.

I expected Obama would win anyway. Seriously.

BUT... I will say this. I think I had the funniest newsfeed than anyone else on Facebook because it's full of angry Republicans! Take a peek.

(MY FAVORITE...)

And... apparently the Grovers are moving to Africa. We know what this means... my mom is probably going to follow them!

My favorite was Flipse's by a long shot HA!

OKAY FUNNY STORY.

 So I posted a most recent update and DELTED it. It said the following:

"One more thing. So much for marrying a doctor -- who's coming with me to find a Prince William?"

1. I deleted it because I wasn't sure about the facts on Obamacare... I realized I was being ignorant. Writing it, I assumed under Obamacare that doctors would no longer be paid as much, nor be as rich. Hence, I'd go find a prince in some other part of the world who has lots of money instead. -- BUT, I didn't know if that was true or not about doctors' salaries, so I deleted it.

HOWEVERRRRR...

2. I got a text immediately after deleting it that said, "Did you delete your status?? Because it said [Prince William]???"

Tyler's first name is William.

I used to call him "Prince William."

LOL.

DURRRRR idiot Kendra... I came to find out that (within 30 seconds) half the world was wondering if I had gotten back together with him after posting that.

NO. The answer is NO. He didn't even cross my MIND when I posted that! Awkward.

LOL.