...and then BAM.

Ah at last Sunday is finally here and I can sit, relax, and just breathe.

It's been so busy lately. Hence... why I haven't written in a while and nor have I taken the time (or been bored out of my mind) to waste away my thoughts all over your Facebook newsfeed. Work, a little more work, working out, mission clothes shopping (great sales!), the stomach flu, some new friends, and some more work have taken over my life lately. As exhausting as it all is, it makes me happy and -- for the record, keeps me sane. 

As I just mentioned, new friends have come into my life lately and I've been ever so grateful. One in particular who I met through other mutual friends has really reached out and gotten to know me, and, essentially has gotten me out of my hole that I've been hiding in for the last three months. It was difficult for me at first...one, to climb out of my hole and two, to hang out with a guy again -- even knowing it was "just" as friends. I put quotations around the word just because I don't want to downplay the word friends. Over the past few years away at school in particular has shown me how much I value my friendships with other people outside of my own family because those friends I've made have, in a sense, become family to me.

Anyway, this new friend opened me up and even introduced me to new people. Although it was just for a night, it did wonders for me. It taught me that my life and my world isn't over and that just because I'm going through heart-wrenching trial, it doesn't mean that I can't have friends or make new ones during it all. In fact, new people and new friends in my life are what's going to make it easier and make me stronger. I can still have a life. I can have a social life. And "Life" isn't over! 

However, I also came to another realization through this "new friends" thing. Last night I discovered that the new people I met and I had a bajillion mutual friends. In fact, so many mutual friends that I was shocked that I hadn't met any of these people before. But -- it also hit me that those mutual friends we shared were a lot of my very best friends from high school and... that we've all moved on with our lives and made other friends... new friends that have pretty much replaced our old ones. Think about it. Is the person you call up to hang out on Friday night the same person you called four years ago? For some, it is. For most, it's not. It hurt a little bit to realize this. Interesting, huh?

So today I took a step and did something crazy. 

I went to the singles ward.

And it was weird.

(Isn't it always? There are always more odd balls than normal people ha! Kidding. Sorta.)

But it was a big step for me. At first it was really enjoyable and it continued to be so until it was coming to an end. And for some odd reason out of the blue, I found myself getting upset on the way home. I was sitting there driving and, for some reason, just beginning to start fuming. And, the girl I am... I just blamed it on being a girl.

When I got home from church, I walked inside and (naturally) opened the pantry. My 15 year old brother (whom I hadn't seen in four days) comes up behind me and gives me a hug. Then immediately I throw his arms off me and tell him to go away. 

For some reason I was so turned off. 

After he walks away, my mom looks at me and says, "Kendra, he was just trying to give you a hug... Back to your old self again, huh?"

(OLD joke in the family, before Tyler -- "Kendra hates being touched. She'll never be able to handle being married.")

And, no. It's not that I hate being touched. I just hate being touched in any affectionate way (brother-like or NOT) by someone bigger than me who isn't a significant other. It's just weird to me unless I'm the one to initiate it.

...and then BAM.

After leaning over the freezer (to obviously continue searching for food), I lift up my head... and tears just start flowing down my face.

Ladies and gentlemen...

The Sunday Blues.

Sundays are killer. And they hit me over the head out of nowhere today. The first day I don't have a million things to do... and my mind is blank with nothing to do and only one thing to think about. 

My life. My trials. Myself.

I would end here... but I must say one more thing. I know that there is only one way to get over the "Sunday Blues" and to get over myself and that's the Lord. He's here, I know He is. He loves me. And that's why I'm going through this... so I can grow. I have a testimony of Christ. He lives. I hate this and I hate how hard it is. But I know there's only one reason it's gotten easier and that reason is Jesus Christ. As I serve him and prepare to serve Him on a mission, He will enable me to overcome any trial and any heartbreak that comes my way.

Thanks for listening today.

p.s. introducing my "I'm-sad-but everything's-gonna-be-okay" with a lazy eye kind of look.