Tell me.

So I've been meaning to write this specific post for a while now, but I just keep putting it off or forgetting about it. For instance, tonight I went to bed at 7:30 only to wake up at 10:30 (as expected). If I fall asleep early, I can never sleep for long. In fact, I was drifting off to sleep thinking, "Man I wanted to blog today...eh, I'll do it when I wake up in about 4 hours." So here I am.

There's this band called He Is We that I've been borderline obsessed with for about a year. (They're no Taylor Swift -- but they're close.) I love their music because it's upbeat and catchy. Well, this last Spring I discovered a song called "Tell Me" by them that I fell in absolute love with.

Well, the first time I heard it, I thought, "Oh, catchy!" Then, the second time I heard it, I was on a "stress-releasing run" and interpreted it to be about having faith in God and His love for her. Well, then I looked at the lyrics again tonight to realize that she could also be singing about having faith in finding someone to love and hoping he'll accept her for who she is.

BUT -- I like the faith in God interpretation better because that's how I've applied it to my life for the last 3 months. (And, well, I guess I can apply it to finding someone to love again later on, but not yet.)

I want to share it with you because I love a specific line in it. I want you to open up the link to YouTube in another window/tab, and then read the lyrics I have posted. I italicized the lines that I think are so inspiring for anyone to apply to their lives when it comes to having faith in God and His plan for them. I think you'll like it. (*Link to YouTube is the title*)

"Tell Me" by He Is We

Standing in the mirror and, 
Try to imagine
Forever, what does it look like?
Facing my greatest endeavor

Suddenly closing my eyes
Hands up for the very first time
I'm closing my eyes

Tell me don't give up
Tell me there's someone out there
Give me a pure love, 
Give me a forever that we can both share

Show me it's okay, 
Show me it's all right, 
That I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight 

Will he be proud of, 
All of the things I've done, 
My mistakes, the things that I, regret
Wishing that I could forget, 
My heart breaks 

Suddenly I'm closing my eyes, 
Hands up for the very first time
I'm closing my eyes... 

Tell me don't give up
Tell me there's someone out there
Give me a pure love
Give me a forever that we can both share

Show me it's okay, 
Show me it's all right 
That I'm far from crazy 
For living by faith and not by sight

Eyes can only see so far 
Tired of wishing of on all these stars
So I close my eyes and pray
Nothing comes to mind so I let my heart say; 

Tell me don't give up
Tell me there's someone out there 
Give me a pure love
Give me a forever that we can both share

Show me it's okay, 
Show me it's all right, 
That I'm far from crazy 
For living by faith and not by sight

Tell me don't give up
Tell me there's someone out there
Give me a pure love
Give me a forever that we both can share

Show me it's okay, 
Show me it's alright
That I'm far from crazy 
For living by faith and not by sight

Give me a love, 
Give me a love, 
Give me a pure love, 
Give me a love
Give me a love, 
Give me a pure love.

I just LOVE it! To me, it's like praying that God hears you and just praying that as you close your eyes, take the steps of faith you need to take, He'll guide you and direct you where to go. Sometimes it's so easy for others to look at us and for us to even look at ourselves and think, "Um, I am crazy! What am I doing?! What am I thinking?!" But even though the things we do are crazy -- we have faith that we're doing the RIGHT thing and that everything will work out in the end because that's how God works. We receive no witness until after the trial of our faith (Ether 12:6).

Breaking off my engagement was by far the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. Even weeks afterward I thought, "AM I NUTS?! I love him! WHY AM I DOING THIS?!" But then I remembered. Because it's the right thing to do and I will be blessed for making the right decision one day. The future looks dark from here, but I know there's a light at the end of this tunnel I'm in and that as I keep moving forward and living my life, the light will shine through and everything will one day make sense.

And one day... God's pure love for me will also be made manifest in the pure love that someone else will have for me one day.

Now, with that being said, I know on Facebook I've been getting different opinions about what to do with my life, and I've even led some to believe that I plan to do certain things, even when I may not. Not that I've intended to do so -- but I just change my mind everyday of my LIFE.

However, I talked to an old friend who recently returned from a mission and he told me something that inspired me. He told me that God gave us our agency for a reason because he trusts us to make the right decisions. He isn't always going to whisper in our ear and tell us what to do or what to say. We have the light of Christ and we all have the choice. We must take this great gift of agency and use it. God isn't going to tell me who to marry, and He hasn't. I made the choice based on what I felt was right. He's also not going to tell me to go back to school, go to Provo or to even go on a mission because they're all good choices. It's up to ME to make the choice and run with it.

And so... I've made a decision.

Details are yet to come. Stay tuned.

"Show me it's okay, show me it's alright -- tell me that I'm far from crazy for living by faith and not by sight."