one day at a time

Alright if I've learned anything the last three months, it's this: Never blog when you're

• heated
• upset
• very, very sad
• offended
• hurt
• depressed
• feelings sassy

I now have three posts that are "reverted to drafts" because I look back and think... "Okay, that was unnecessary. Paste that one in your journal and call it good." 

HA!

I seriously don't know how I've made it this far. Now -- don't misunderstand that. I'm not saying, "I don't know how I've made it this far without being so upset and depressed and without wanting to jump off a cliff..." Because trust me -- that wouldn't be the truth.

What I really mean is that I don't know how I've made it this far without doing something absolutely NUTS. I can't tell you how many times I've imagined myself driving up to Idaho and doing something I'd regret. Now, with that being said, something I "regret" being either 1) turning back or 2) ripping someone's head off. HA! 

Okay but let's be serious for a second.

Like I've said so many times before... I'm not perfect and I haven't -- BY ANY MEANS -- handled the last four months (wow, it's been that long!) perfectly. There are a lot of words and a lot of actions that I'm not proud of. And here's my excuse. Being hurt makes you do stupid, stupid things. But you live, you learn, and you move on with your life.

As hard as it is for me to believe sometimes (well, a lot more times than I'd like to admit) -- it's been hard remembering that there's Someone watching over me and strengthening me... getting me through this. I know for a fact that without hard experiences like this one, I would never truly learn the principles of the Gospel. 

For instance.

I was sitting in on a Sunday School class filled with 9-12 year old boys. The lesson was on the topic: "Faith is..." (Ether 12:6). And as I listened to the comments and stories about faith from the scriptures from the boys themselves shared, I realized... Wow. I know this. I know this principle because I've had to live it. And then I realized that I would've never really learned it UNLESS I had lived it. I never realized the value of the stories of the scriptures -- Lehi, the brother of Jared, Abinadi -- until I lived through similar experiences. 

As I realized how much I truly knew the Gospel because of my trials, it made me grateful for my trials -- and as sucky as they are, I truly FELT they were and are for a reason. To strengthen me and to, most of all, TEACH me. 

Then, the best realization came when it hit me -- MY LIFE has prepared me for the mission I am about to serve. I will be able to teach effectively because I've LIVED. And I am so grateful for the things I know and the things I've been through that have truly taught me the principles of the true Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Life sucks sometimes. And there are going to be so, so many times when we fall -- and as humbling as it is, we're gonna have to reach up so we can let Him pick us up.