Broken relationships suck.
Today was hard. I mean, well... today was good. Tonight was hard. The last 8 hours have been hard. Today marks the "1 year mark" since we met and it's been truly the best yet the most awful and disgusting year to date. Some days you think you've let go -- that you're over it all! And the next you're an utter and complete hot mess. Some days you feel so strong... so on top of the world. But on the inside? You know you're a whimpering puppy ready to burst into tears. Putting on a face, even to your own reflection in the mirror, doesn't last forever. No matter how great of a hair day, no matter how many friends reach out, no matter how many parties you go to... it doesn't take away the pain that's boiling under your gray cardigan and beneath your chest deep into the core of your broken heart. Then when you finally do let it all loose, you find yourself crying and hurting over everything and even for other people, even if it is just Katy Perry.
Tonight I tried having a Christ-like love for him. Tried to have charity. Tried to be happy for him. Tried to sincerely wish him the best -- coming from my heart. Kinda like the whole "love your enemies" thing... But it only made things harder. I felt it for a while, I did. But I think things like that take a little more time than a couple hours.
Especially when you get blocked.
I think I just got whiplash from that slap in the face.
Forgive me for being sincere. Honest. Hopeful.
"I'm trying to be like Jesus..." and I'm not very good at it.
No comments:
Post a Comment