Edified.

So lately I've been thinking about this blog as a whole... and what it really means. (That sounded so deep and profound, I know.)

But really.

I thought about it today at church. I was sitting next to a lady in our ward who is also a Facebook friend/part-time blog reader of mine. She said to me, "You know, I was thinking about you the other day and how funny it is that I hardly know you, yet I feel like I know you because I'm friends with you on Facebook and I sometimes read your blog." We agreed -- it was kinda weird, but funny.

Then I thought, "I wonder if she thinks I'm crazy..." 

I mean let's be real -- along with other moms at church who weren't in the ward during my teenage years, she hardly knows me. I can't help but think these people probably see me with my family and know the [very minimal] following things about me:

• I'm Michelle Buckhannon's daughter.
• I'm a college student.
• I'm an older sister. (Some people even think I'm the oldest.)
• I dress pretty cute for church.
• I'm the one who called off my wedding.
• I look ticked off 90% of the time. (It's my natural facial expression -- I can't help it!)

And then they read my blog and know the "true" me because this is the one place where I  truly do let my "true" self "shine" per se. In other words, it's the place where you find out that Kendra Buckhannon truly IS crazy! -- Which, also could be seen as "She has a valiant testimony of the Savior Jesus Christ, God and His plan for her -- and she shares it. Yet, she's a train wreck, she complains and sometimes even vents about anonymous persons from time to time. She's basically bipolar." 

Okay, so that means I'm normal right? Because we all do it. We all know in the back of our minds and deep down in our hearts that everything is going to be OKAY but we still complain and we still vent. To put it simply -- we all have our own little thunderstorms. And I'm simply open about them (some, not all). Whereas, there are others struggling who put on a smiling face 100% of the time, even if it's just a facade, to let people think that they're strong and nothing has ever torn them down to bring them to ground ZERO. Don't get me wrong -- it's completely OKAY to deal with problems and trials like that. We all do it differently. My way of dealing with my problems and trials, however, is openly on my own blog. And I've come to the conclusion that that's okay. So, when I thank you, my readers, I mean it. You don't have to read and you don't have to listen... but you do. It is a friendly reminder to me that someone out there is listening and maybe even cares. (Even if you don't  care and you still read -- I am still thankful for you ;)

With all that being said, I do want to do share one more thing and that is my testimony. 

I'd like to start off by saying that I know that Butterfingers are the best Halloween candy on the face of the planet followed by Mr. Goodbars. (You'd never guess what I just ate.)

Okay now but really. 

Today I was tempted to bear my testimony at church, but I didn't have enough time and I feel like I just did it at church. (All the way back in September -- just too recent for me.) Anyway.

Times have been so hard. I'm not saying that to complain; I'm saying that to be honest. Some days are so busy and therefore so easy to get through while others seem to drag on forever. I haven't been the best at staying close to the Lord lately. In other words, I've been really lagging in my scripture study and personal prayers. (If you pull the "You're going on a mission! Get to it!" card on me, I think I'd have to kill you because I've pulled it on myself plenty of times lately.) It's so hard because sometimes you feel like there's nothing there... you're numb to it all. It's like you feel numb to the Holy Ghost, even if you know you're worthy of feeling it. It's weird. Anyway, today at church I felt so touched by the Spirit for the first time in so long. 

It first happened in Sunday school when Sis. Hinton asked for volunteers to share any experience they had with receiving answers/making decisions from reading the scriptures. Out of nowhere I raised my hand. (What the heck?!) And I knew I had definitely received answers through scripture study.

I shared the experience I had when I learned that I had to serve a mission. I started out by saying that during the last couple of months I had to make a lot of decisions. [INSERT: choking up here] I had been praying and praying about what to do. And one day (along with much prayer) I was reading my scriptures. I was reading about the last days and then the election/politics came to mind. It occurred to me that I live in scary times and truly the last dispensation. A sudden desire burned within me to spread good in the world -- to gather God's children and to build God's army. I knew immediately that I was to serve a mission. 

After making the choice to serve a mission, there have been several more witnesses shown to me that it is the right decision. About a month ago after making that choice, I was prompted to read my Patriarchal blessing. I kept putting it off... but finally one night I opened it up thinking, "Okay what do you want to tell me, Lord? I've read this thing a million times over -- what more could there possibly be? I practically have it memorized!" Well, as I started the very first paragraph, I knew immediately what the Lord wanted me to know. I feel very strongly, deep in my heart, that there are people I promised to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with before this life and that those memories, acquaintances, and sweet experiences will be close in my memory as I teach them on my mission. I can't wait for the day where that revelation is indeed fulfilled. I know that wherever I go -- it will be the right place. I will have the privilege of meeting people and touching their lives with my testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. He loves me and you so much. All He wants is for us to be with Him again forever. 

The comforting powers of the Holy Ghost are also real. There is a Godhead -- our God, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. They love us so much and are always there for us. The scriptures -- Bible and Book of Mormon are REAL and TRUE. The Book of Mormon is another TESTAMENT and proof of Jesus Christ -- that he LIVED and STILL lives and is there to save us when we give Him our whole hearts and efforts to doing what is right. He took upon Himself our sins and iniquities so that we could live again.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Atonement, the scriptures, God's living prophets and apostles that speak to Him and guide us, direct us, and love us as He does.

I love who I am. I love my life. I love my experiences and trials that test me so that I can PROVE to my loving God -- whom is also literally my Heavenly Father -- that I am His faithful daughter that will forever remain faithful until the end.

Have no idea what I'm talking about? Learn more at the following websites.

lds.org

mormon.org